


for him.

by dimpleskyun



Series: second time around [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: A lot of this plays out in a gym lol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Changkyun is a whipped fucker, Fluff and Humor, Hyungwon reads a magazine with dating tips, M/M, Mutual Pining, wonho is the real mvp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-02-27 11:04:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 26,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13246872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimpleskyun/pseuds/dimpleskyun
Summary: How to get yourdream boyin three easy steps:1- Spend time with him, get to know your man2- Compliment him, show him that you're interested3- Flirt with him, don't be subtle about your crushIf he doesn't show the slightest interest towards you after these steps then maybe he isn't the right one.(Or, Hyungwon tries to get the attention of one Shin Hoseok, but instead he ends up falling in love with Changkyun.)(Sequel toheaven.)





	1. Step 1: Spend time with him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon is stressed, so is Changkyun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy here we go... This was honestly so much fun to write! I hope you like it as much as I do!

"No offense but I hate you for making me do this," Minhyuk huffs, breathless as he lifts another weight, his muscles straining against the shirt he is wearing. "Can't you just talk to him like the rest of us normal people?"

" _No_ ," Hyungwon chokes out, sweat running down the side of his face, reaching his chin and dripping on the floor. "Besides you don't actually have to work out. I just need you here as moral support."

"There is no need for you to work out either, you know?" The silver haired, young man counters, stretching his body and swinging his arms to loosen up his muscles. "This shit hurts so bad, how does he _do_ this every day?"

"I have no fucking idea but I'm starting to wonder if it was worth it." Hyungwon raises his legs slowly, lifting the weight attached to them; his thighs burn with pain and shake with exertion.

"Admittedly my arms _do_ look better, like check this out." He flexes his right arm, showing off his hard work.

"That's cute Minhyuk but have you _seen_ his?"

The older man scoffs, offended, "I have. You've been _forcing_ me to come to the gym with you for the past two weeks so you can ogle him while he works out."

"Only because I got caught lingering around without doing anything, and they threatened to kick me out if I didn't sign up."

"You could have just asked for his number instead of doing _this._ " Minhyuk moves his hands around, referring to the whole situation they are in.

It is ridiculous, Hyungwon will admit that. If someone would have told him two months ago that he would join a gym just so he could stare at his new crush while he works out, he would have felt embarrassed by the sheer stupidity of that statement. Yet, there he is, in a god forsaken gym, with his best friend Minhyuk, actually working out while discreetly staring at the blonde man across the room, who seems to be doing some weird training to enhance his abs (Hyungwon has seen them on one blessed occasion).

It all started out two months ago when Hyungwon was in the dance studio _—_ which happens to be in the same building as the gym _—_ working on some new choreography as he has a very important upcoming show in a couple of weeks. He was going through the dance, not really putting all his effort in it as it was late and he was tired, when someone opened the door, stopping abruptly upon noticing that the room was occupied. The man stared at Hyungwon with surprise before his expression turned into an apologetic one, he left the room as quickly, repeatedly apologizing for interrupting him. Hyungwon wasn't even mad, he never had seen such an attractive person before. After that, the intense _Stalking Operation_ began, in which he spent a lot of time trying to meet this guy again, discover who he was. He turned to his friend Kihyun who knew Jooheon, who knew everyone. Hyungwon gave a vague description (dyed white-blond hair, short but buff, beautiful smile, soft eyes) and to his surprise a couple of days later Minhyuk came running towards him, waving his phone in Hyungwon's face excitedly, a picture of the blond man on it. Hyungwon learnt that day that his new crush's name was Shin Hoseok, and that he was an aspiring musician and dancer who went by the name of Wonho.

Fast forward one month and Hyungwon is just as desperate as he was when Hoseok first walked accidentally into the dance studio. He knows it's ridiculous and stupid, and he should just approach the other man, but he is scared of rejection so he does nothing, stares from afar.

"Ah, look, it's _Daddy Long Legs._ " Minhyuk nods his head towards the young man that is walking over to Hoseok, towel in one hand, water bottle in the other.

"Please don't call him that."

 _Daddy Long Legs_ , as Minhyuk calls the guy, is a friend of some sort of Hoseok as he always appears right before the other is done with his working out routine, bringing without fail a towel and water (sometimes snacks). He doesn't fit into the whole gym aesthetic, wearing mostly black skinny jeans, oversized hoodies, leather jackets, hair always perfectly styled, and piercings adorning his ears. Hyungwon has to admit that the nickname Minhyuk gave the man is in fact very fitting as the he does have very _long_ and _slender_ legs, his choice of clothing accentuating them. Compared to Hoseok he is small, despite the fact that they are almost the same height.

The man squats down next to Hoseok to dab away the sweat from his forehead, grimacing while he fulfills the task, to which Hoseok laughs; loud and heartily.

"You should go over there and volunteer to swipe away his sweat," Minhyuk starts, grinning as he gets up from where he was lifting weights. " _Daddy Long Legs_ doesn't seem to particularly enjoy that task but you _surely_ would."

"Fuck off."

Hoseok is now getting up, grabbing the water bottle and chugs down half of it, Hyungwon can't help but stare at him. He is caught though by _Daddy Long Legs_ , who cocks his head and squints his eyes as he switches in between looking at Hyungwon and then at Hoseok, realization hitting him slowly; his mouth opening to a perfect O shape. He looks away, clutching the towel in his hand as he waits for Hoseok to finish his water. Hyungwon can feel his cheeks reddening as it hits him that he has been caught checking Hoseok out by seemingly a close friend of his. _Fuck_.

"They're leaving, does this mean we can leave as well?" Minhyuk's tone is hopeful. "If I have to stay in here for another five minutes I'm going to break. This testosterone filled air is not good on my nerves. It reeks of toxic masculinity."

"Alright, alright, we're leaving," Hyungwon gives in easily _—_ he hates the gym ambience as well. He can't stand the judging and mocking stares him and Minhyuk get whenever they walk into the gym, only because they don't have rocking hard muscles to show off.

In his twenty-two years of being alive Hyungwon should learn from past mistakes, from the mistakes of those around him (read: Minhyuk, who is unapologetically himself but often gets into some _situations_ as he doesn't always calculate the risk). But he blindly trusts fate and walks into the changing room, hoping Hoseok and _Daddy Long Legs_ would be long gone _—_ usually when Minhyuk and him finally find the strength to walk into the changing room it is vacant; or occupied with some gym members that they don't know nor care about.

This time it's different, there are three men in the changing room when they enter it. They're sitting on a bench, talking animatedly while Hoseok dabs away the sweat from his face with the end of the towel that is slung around his neck. Hyungwon notices with horror that the blond man is _shirtless;_  the glory that are his biceps, pectorals, abs, all exposed.

He gapes, stopping in his tracks as he looks at all those _muscles_ but he is brought back into reality when Minhyuk elbows him hard. He lets out a loud yelp, getting the attention of the three men sitting on the bench. Hoseok seems to recognize Hyungwon and Minhyuk because he waves at them, smirking for some reason which makes Hyungwon turn the slightest shade of red. _Daddy Long Legs_ gives him a blank stare before he looks away and pulls out his phone to play with it. The third man is _tall_ and _buff,_ and gives them a friendly smile.

" _Oh_ ," Minhyuk breathes out quietly but Hyungwon hears him, he turns to give his silver haired friend a questioning look but Minhyuk's eyes are glued to _Tall and Buff_. "What a pleasure meeting you." He walks forward, reaching out his hand to shake Hoseok's, but his eyes are on the taller man, whose hand he shakes next.

"What are you _doing_?" Hyungwon hisses at his friend, but he is completely ignored.

"My name is Lee Minhyuk, you would be—?" he asks, not even an ounce ashamed of how obvious he is being.

"Son Hyunwoo," _Tall and Buff_ —now known as Hyunwoo _—_ replies; still smiling in that friendly way.

Hyungwon is about to leave the room and pretend he doesn't know Minhyuk, it's all too embarrassing. Specially in front of Hoseok, who seems delighted by the whole exchange, admittedly, but Hyungwon's flight instinct is kicking in. He is momentarily distracted by _Daddy Long Legs_ snorting from where he still sits on the bench, shaking his head in amusement. When he catches Hyungwon looking at him he ducks his head, ears turning red.

Of course Hoseok notices the exchange and perks up, smiling at Hyungwon who gulps in fear. He's never been good at talking to overly attractive men.

 

"I agree, what a _pleasure_ meeting you, after we have been attending the gym together for quite some time now. I'm Shin Hoseok," Wonho introduces himself as well _—_ way too excited about it in Changkyun's opinion _—_ and then he turns towards the younger man, who feels dread settle in his bones, "and this is Im Changkyun, my dearest friend."

Changkyun closes his eyes for a split second, cursing his friend to hell and back, before he puts on a polite and fake smile, looking up to meet Minhyuk's and the other man's eyes. He feels his heart rate pick up as he holds the tall man's stare;  _he is so beautiful_.

"My friend here, who seems to be a bit unable to talk right now, is called Chae Hyungwon," Minhyuk reveals the man's name (Changkyun repeats it like a mantra in his head, _Hyungwon, Hyungwon, Hyungwon_ ), smirking at the whole situation. He would get along with Wonho, Changkyun thinks, both men having that mischievous glint in their eyes.

"As great as this has been, we're _late_ ," Changkyun interrupts the silence that was spreading over the group of men; he stands up and gives Wonho a pointed look. "Hurry the _fuck_ up, I don't want Jooheon to yell at me for being late, _again_."

"Right, right, right." Wonho nods his head repeatedly before he gets up, grabbing spare clothes and a bigger towel, and walks towards one of the individual showers.

Minhyuk and Hyungwon walk over to their own lockers, heads pulled together and heatedly whispering to each other.

Hyunwoo scoots closer to Changkyun, putting his arm around the younger's shoulder and giving him a smile of complicity. The younger braces himself for what is about to come, he has heard it many times before from both Hyunwoo and Wonho, whenever his crush was involved in some way. Be it whenever they are in the university's cafeteria and Hyungwon walks in with Minhyuk in tow, looking like he came out of a fashion magazine, and both his friends give him a knowing smile and ask him if he will _talk to him;_ be it Wonho's teasing when Changkyun walks into the gym a bit early so he can watch Hyungwon work out for a couple of minutes; be it Hyunwoo's grin when Changkyun first announced he would apply to dancing classes the following month, coincidentally the teacher's assistant happens to be Hyungwon. The list goes on and on.

"So," Hyunwoo starts, voice low, "he knows your name now and you know his."

"Yes, thank you, Hyunwoo." Changkyun subtly lifts his eyes to where Minhyuk and Hyungwon are pulling out clothes from their lockers.

"His friend is cute."

Changkyun is about to make some retort to tease Hyunwoo but his breath catches in his lungs as Hyungwon _takes off his shirt_ without any warning, stuffing it into his bag. Changkyun can feel his heart beat pick up, speedily and wildly beating in his chest, as his cheeks turn red. He is faintly aware of Hyunwoo laughing softly but he doesn't care, he is going to deal with his friend later, for now he has more important things to do _—_ like stare at his crush because _damn_.

Then Hyungwon puts on a black shirt, and Changkyun wakes up from whatever trance he was in, blinking slowly and regaining his ability to think (and breathe). He turns his attention now to the man sitting next to him, who is already opening his mouth to say something, most likely about how whipped Changkyun is.

"That was _very obvious_ , Kyunnie," Hyunwoo says, amusement clear in his voice.

"I am _very aware_ of that, but he hasn't noticed so we are fine."

"He hasn't but Minhyuk has."

True to his word, when Changkyun dares to look at the two men, Minhyuk is looking at him, a light frown forming on his face, his eyes questioning; then he slowly shifts them towards Hyunwoo and breaks into a huge grin.

"Very cute indeed."

Changkyun internally starts screaming and cursing his whole existence as both Minhyuk and Hyungwon walk over to them. He barely just survived his first interaction with the other man, how is he supposed to do that _again_? How is he supposed to look at him without combusting on the spot? If Hyunwoo enables in a conversation with Minhyuk then Changkyun will be fucked for real _—_ on his own _,_  dealing with this _situation_ that he isn't prepared for. This is yet another thing that the education system failed him on, he never has learnt how to deal with a crush (one that happens to be very much out of his league and out of this world, for that matter) and he feels like a fish struggling to breathe while it flops around on land.

"We're leaving in a couple of minutes as we have to meet a friend but," Minhyuk starts to say when he stands right in front of them, Hyungwon behind him, looking like a vision, "we definitely should hang out next time. _All_ of us."

"I wholeheartedly agree," Wonho walks out of the shower area, clothed in his spare clothes (his old ones, together with the used towel, are balled together and he shoves them into his sport's bag), his wet hair pushed back from his forehead, and for the third time that day Changkyun has to witness Hyungwon looking starstruck. "Don't you agree, Changkyun?" Wonho asks, beaming at the younger, as if he is being slick with his plan.

"Sure."

  

Kihyun stares him down with his trademark _Judgmental Look_ while he munches away on his sandwich, listening to Minhyuk retelling the events that unfolded earlier in the changing room, much to Hyungwon's chagrin. He doesn't need yet another friend mocking him about his crush and his unhealthy methods on how to deal with it.

"Let me get this straight. The reason why you've been ditching me over the past weeks is so that you could go to the _gym?_ To stare at this guy?" Kihyun repeats, once Minhyuk is done with his story, and tries hard not to laugh out loud. He knows how bony Hyungwon's elbows can be, there is no need to get jabbed by the taller man.

" _Yes_ ," Hyungwon replies, exasperated. "I can't believe you exposed me like this Minhyuk."

"You said they're friends with Jooheon; what are their names? Maybe I know them," Kihyun asks, curiously.

"Hoseok, Hyunwoo, and Changkyun," Minhyuk supplies.

"Wait, Changkyun?  _Im_ _Changkyun_?" He widens his eyes in shock and coughs as he chokes on a piece of his sandwich. "Tiny, with a good fashion sense and black hair; attractive nose?"

"Yes, why?" Hyungwon asks, not seeing how _Daddy Long_ —Changkyun, plays an important role in this.

"Nothing, absolutely _nothing_ ," Kihyun reassures him once he has stopped coughing. "Doesn't even matter, forget I mentioned him."

"Alright, that isn't suspicious at all," Minhyuk raises his eyebrows, demanding an answer but Kihyun shakes his head vehemently.

"You won't get anything out of me. Changkyun and Jooheon are like best friends or whatever, and I can't risk sleeping on the couch, _again_ ," he explains, grimacing at the memory.

"Jooheon really has got you wrapped around his finger." Hyungwon snorts, enjoying seeing his older friend so compliant.

"Have you _seen_ him? Of course he's got me wrapped around his finger. And I'm into that."

"That's information I was perfectly fine with _not_ knowing." He pulls his face into a disgusted expression, scurrying out of Kihyun's reach who tries to hit him.

"So anyway, this Hoseok, does he by chance answer to the name Wonho as well?" Kihyun asks once he managed to at least flick Hyungwon's head.

"Yes. You know him, don't you?"

"Him and Changkyun live in the flat a couple of doors down mine, so yes, I know him. Pretty well I would say." He smirks at the terror infused expression Hyungwon wears now. "Plus we went to the same high school," he adds.

* * *

 

One week and multiple working out sessions (that were the reason for the burning pain in his thighs) later Hyungwon sits in a leather seat, magazine in hand, while he waits for Minhyuk to be done.

They are at the hair salon close to their university because Minhyuk was tired of his silver hair and in need of something new (plus his bangs were getting too long so he needed a cut as well). Currently he sits in the chair, the hair dresser applying dark hair dye onto the man's hair, chatting away amicably. Hyungwon has them tuned out as he boringly flips through some article.

It's stupid and clearly meant for an audience way younger than him but he doesn't have anything better to do, and there aren't any good magazines lying around anyway so he is stuck with reading about dating tips. _How to get your dream boy in three easy steps_. He frowns, feeling offended at this direct call out of fate on him and his crush on Hoseok.

" _Step one, spend a lot of time with him,_ " comes a deep voice from behind Hyungwon and with a jolt he turns around, dropping the magazine on the floor.

Changkyun stands there, eyebrows raised, and smirks at him. Behind him is Jooheon, speaking to the man at the desk about some appointment he has that day, but once he notices Changkyun has moved away from him he apologizes to the man and turns his whole attention on the smaller boy, grabbing him by his collar.

"Kyunnie, behave, for the love of god, if Wonho finds out I let you eat a brownie he is going to _kill me_ and I _—_ Oh, _hey,_ Hyungwon." Jooheon stops his scolding and smiles brightly, going for an innocent act.

"What is this that I just overheard? _Brownie_?"

"Uh, in my defense we didn't know those were—"

"You're really pretty up close," Changkyun interrupts his friend and stares at Hyungwon, unblinking.

"Thanks," he replies, feeling his cheeks warm up.

"Alright, that's enough. I came here to cancel my appointment so I can take him to his flat before he becomes a danger to himself and others." Jooheon grabs Changkyun's arm and drags him towards the exit.

"See you later, _Beautiful Lips._ " Changkyun waves his hand excitedly before they are out of the salon.

Hyungwon can see through the window that Jooheon is shaking his head and laughing at his friend's antics as they walk away. He turns his head away from the window and catches Minhyuk looking at him questioningly through the mirror in front of him. Hyungwon then notices how red his face is, looks away, grabbing the magazine from where it lays on the floor, and reassumes his fascinating read on dating tips.

  

They are sitting at the table in his and Wonho's flat, all thinking about how to save this situation from the inevitable doom, and what to do to avoid such a disastrous event in the future, because as it seems Hyunwoo and Minhyuk have become really good friends in a short amount of time, set on hanging out way more and bringing their respective group of friends together. Although Changkyun knows exactly what Hyunwoo's intentions are, as for Minhyuk, he guesses it has to do with the way Hyungwon seems entranced by Wonho whenever they find themselves in the same room.

"Why did you call him _that_ in the first place?" Kihyun asks curiously from where he is sitting half on Jooheon's lap.

"It's this nick name Wonho came up with the first time Hyungwon was in the gym," he explains, remembering when he excitedly came to pick his friend up, talking about this seminar he had joined that took place every two weeks for three hours _—_ about influential music producers whose name the public doesn't know but that define mainstream music of the twenty-first century.

At some point throughout his explanation of the seminar he dropped that there was a cute guy sitting in the row in front of him, Wonho immediately catching onto it and questioning his friend about said cute guy. Flash forward a week, Changkyun was once again in the gym, waiting on Wonho to finish with his abs work out and talking about random things, here and there. He stopped in the middle of a sentence to gape at a figure lingering around the entrance of the gym, glancing at their phone disinterestedly, once in a while their gaze would shift to strive around the gym, stopping at where Changkyun and Wonho were before settling down on their phone again. He recognized that person immediately, the cute guy from the seminar he was attending. He freaked out a bit, feeling self conscious all of a sudden (had he brushed his hair that morning; was the white-sugary powder of the donuts he had eaten earlier visible on his black hoodie; was the make up he had applied to hide some of his imperfections still in place?) and tried to hurry his friend up, but Wonho caught onto the younger's distress and sat up, looking around the room until he spotted the figure. After some nagging Changkyun finally gave in and confessed that it was the cute guy from his seminar _—_ which only earned him a loud laugh from Wonho who agreed that the man had in fact _very_ _beautiful lips._ Changkyun had often dreamily talked about the man's appearance, going on about his eyes and lips, something that he regretted in that instant as Wonho kept calling the guy  _Beautiful Lips_ due to the lack of knowing the man's actual name.

"But _why_ did you call him that?" Kihyun asks again, altering his initial question.

"I—" he starts unsure, and chances a quick glance at Jooheon, who looks mortified and shakes his head subtly. "I don't know, my brain just—It happened, I don't know _why_ , really."

"Right." Kihyun narrows his eyes but doesn't press further.

"Doesn't matter _why_ , we need to fix it, as soon as possible. I _need_ this whole thing to work out," Wonho whines. "If I have to endure more of this whole angsty pining Changkyun is making me listen to, I swear to God I will personally fight Hyungwon, no matter how tall he is."

"I agree. Sometimes Jooheon comes crawling into my bed and talks about how sad it is that Changkyun is pining after some dude which, without a fail, _absolutely_ ruins the mood," Kihyun complains.

"Don't talk about me in your private time." Changkyun glares at Jooheon, who shrugs helplessly before hugging Kihyun closer to himself.

Changkyun's heart aches at the sight and he looks away hastily. Usually he isn't bothered by his friends' not so subtle affection and love for each other, but ever since he exchanged some words with his crush and learnt his name he has been craving more than ever to actually be in a relationship. Something about the tall and handsome man makes him feel fuzzy and warm inside, he wants to know him better, talk about their dreams, or random and irrelevant things. He wants to hold Hyungwon's hand _,_ and possibly kiss him.

Changkyun can't help but blush at his thoughts, he hopes his friends don't notice.

"See? Look at him," Wonho exclaims indignantly, pointing his index finger at Changkyun, who blushes harder and glares at his friend. "That's what I have to deal with every day, plus some very detailed explanations of Hyungwon's physical appearance. I didn't _need_ to know the exact shape of his eyes, but I _know_. Don't even get me started on that one time Changkyun was drunk and went on and on about those legs and—"

Changkyun moves forward to cover Wonho's mouth with his hand, the movement is a bit forceful, the sound of his hand hitting his friend's lips resonates in the living room. After a prolonged silence Kihyun starts laughing loudly, Jooheon and Hyunwoo soon following suit. 

* * *

 

When Hyungwon walks into the big class room, busy with looking at his phone and reading through the _+150_ messages Minhyuk sent him over the past hour _—_ freaking out over Hyunwoo and their sort of, sort of not date they went on _—_ he almost is himself again. He has pretty much forgotten (or more accurately shoved it to the back of his head, ignoring it) about his embarrassing behavior when it came to interacting with Hoseok. He doesn't hit up the gym as much these days, not because Kihyun makes fun of him; not because now, whenever him and Minhyuk go, Hoseok actually comes over to them to initiate a conversation.

No; the only reason is that Hyungwon is busy with classes, he doesn't have the time to work out, besides it's not really his favorite thing in the world. Although Minhyuk keeps going, insisting that he really loves the rush he gets when he lifts wights _—_ loves the pain afterwards _—_ Hyungwon knows that's bullshit; the only reason behind Minhyuk's actions is so that he can spent some more time with Hyunwoo.

Hyungwon is so caught up in his thoughts that he doesn't notice a certain man calling out his name hesitantly; he sits down on his usual spot, eyes still on his phone reading through the messages when a hand taps him on his shoulder. He jumps in his seat, startled, and turns around to look at who was trying to get his attention. He is surprised when he comes face to face with Changkyun, who is leaning forward, smiling apologetically at him.

"Uh, hey," the man greets him. Again Hyungwon is taken aback by how deep his voice is, it suits him though, together with his black hair, leather jacket, and piercings.

"I didn't know you took this seminar, _Daddy Long Le_ —I mean, uh, Changkyun." Hyungwon fights the urge to close his eyes and cringe at himself.

" _What_? What did you just call me?" Changkyun looks embarrassed, cheeks turning red at a fast pace.

"It's this stupid nickname Minhyuk came up with when we first saw you in the gym," he explains, hoping that the other man would find it perhaps funny _—_ or at least not get mad at Hyungwon. "You know, because of your _legs_."

Changkyun stares at him blankly before he leans back into his seat and looks down, biting his bottom lip, his cheeks once again turning red. It's cute in Hyungwon's opinion. Despite the guy's external image _—_ one that radiates confidence _—_ it seems that Changkyun is rather shy.

"My legs?" He asks, meeting Hyungwon's eyes, still flustered.

"Yes, they're long and uh—you know," he tries to find the right words but comes up empty, he doesn't even know _where_ he was trying to go with it. "I'm sorry, I don't function early in the morning."

"It's almost 1pm," Changkyun counters, amused.

He doesn't answer, defeated; instead he grabs his bag from where it lies on the table, and stands up to sit next to Changkyun, whose eyes widen for a split second, shifting in his seat. He looks stiff now, the redness coming back to his cheeks, and Hyungwon wonders why the guy is so flustered by his presence.

He settles into his new seat, pulling out all of the utensils that he will need for the class, a pen and a piece of paper. Hyungwon isn't the most organized student, specially when he hasn't slept enough. Changkyun gives him a critical look, clearly judging him and his lack of studying material, but soon it transforms into a smile and he pulls out his pencil case, placing it in the middle of table.

"If you need a pen or a marker, or anything, really, help yourself."

"Thank you."

The professor walks into the class, a stack of papers under his right arm, his messenger bag dangling from his left shoulder. His appearance is unkept that morning (or midday), the glasses hanging low on his nose and his hair a mess. Hyungwon relates to his professor's state; he didn't have the time to get ready himself either, choosing to throw on some old hoodie, washed out jeans, and worst of all, he was wearing his glasses instead of contact lenses. They make him look like a nerd, more often than not he got confused for a teacher by younger students. A reason why Minhyuk keeps insisting he should dye his hair some funky color to look more like a student, but he likes his natural hair color too much.

The class starts and Hyungwon gets lost in his professor's rambling but he notices, more than once, that Changkyun seems to have his eyes on him. He keeps himself from returning the gaze, mostly because he doesn't know why the other man seems to be looking at him in the first place _—_ it confuses him and his heart perhaps beats a bit quicker at the end of the lecture.

 

"He wore his glasses today," Changkyun complains and when he doesn't get a reaction out of Wonho he grumpily bites into his hamburger.

He sits in the cafeteria together with Wonho and Hyunwoo, like he does every day, except that for once he has big news to talk about, only to be completely ignored by his friends. Admittedly if the roles were reversed he would probably be _done_ as well, but he can't stop himself as he readies himself for yet another long and detailed description of Hyungwon's face and choice of clothing that day, about his laugh and the way his eyes crinkle. But just as he opens his mouth, Hyunwoo jumps up from his seat and waves at someone in the distance.

" _Minhyuk_!" he calls over the guy, who now rocks black hair. It looks _really_ good on him, Changkyun has to admit, but not as good as Hyungwon's own dark hair.

Speaking of the latter, he tags along with Minhyuk, walking over their table as well and whispering something to his friend, who grins mischievously and shakes his head. Hyungwon looks annoyed, yet not surprised by his friend's reaction. When they stand at their table, Wonho moves up from his seat and goes to sit next to Hyunwoo, leaving an open spot next to Changkyun, and not so subtly motions at Hyungwon to sit in it.

Changkyun wishes for the floor to open up and swallow him, or perhaps to swallow Wonho so he would stop being so obvious at trying to push Hyungwon and Changkyun together.

Minhyuk watches the whole situation, clearly reading the intentions behind Wonho's action, and moves to sit in the seat instead of Hyungwon, who hasn't noticed any of the exchange and moves to sit opposite of Changkyun, which somehow is even _worse;_ because, where is he supposed to look at now? He will have to spend the time staring down at his food pretending it's the most fascinating thing ever.

Wonho looks offended at Minhyuk's action, who looks smugly at the blond man, head cocked and eyebrows raised, Wonho smiles at him. To some innocent bystander it might look dazzling and polite, but Changkyun knows, it's Wonho's fake smile that promises revenge and pain. He clears his throat loudly to divert the attention away from whatever fight the two men seem to be having through stares.

"Uh, these burgers are— _good_ ," he stutters out, aware that all eyes are on him, including Hyungwon's who lets out a laugh at the statement.

"They are," the tall man agrees, taking a huge bite out of it, exaggerating the action.

Hyunwoo, who was quiet throughout he whole exchange, gives Changkyun a thumbs up, not even trying to to hide it from the eyes of the new comers. Minhyuk squints his eyes at Hyunwoo before he looks in between Changkyun and Hyungwon, his expression is unreadable and he seems to be fighting with himself over something.

There is a prolonged silence in which they all eat their lunch, some of the tension that was there in the beginning is still lingering in the air, Wonho occasionally glaring at Minhyuk and vice versa; Hyungwon doesn't notice any of it, choosing instead to engage in a conversation with both Hyunwoo and Changkyun, secretly glancing at Wonho from time to time, looking away quickly before he can be caught. It's going well, no major accidents, no embarrassing action, and Changkyun is slowly warming up to the idea of normally talking to Hyungwon, without blushing or his heart going wild in his chest.

Of course then, when he is in the middle of telling about his year overseas, Minhyuk stands up abruptly, scaring him. He chokes on his spit, ending up in a coughing fit; Wonho leans over to slap his back, which doesn't help, it only worsens it because sometimes Wonho can't control his strength and Changkyun nearly hits his face on the table. The worst is that it all unfolds right in front of Hyungwon, who looks worried and is rummaging through his bag to hand over a bottle of water.

Once his coughing fit stops and he can breathe normally again, he takes some cautious sips of the bottle, soothing the pain in his throat. He nearly chokes again when he notices how close Hyungwon stands next to him, hand on his shoulder and rubbing it softly.

"I am sorry about that," he apologizes, realizing that it probably must have ruined everyone's appetite. "Wait, where are Minhyuk and Hyunwoo?"

"I honestly _don't_ want to know," Hyungwon replies, his face a perfect mask of disgust.

"I think it's cute. Hyunwoo is pretty whipped for him," Wonho comments, smiling softly at them. "Reminds me of someone else."

Changkyun glares at him as he fights off yet another blush. He notices that Hyungwon's face is turning red as well; he thinks, _o_ _h right, he likes Wonho_ , and tries hard to not let this fact and knowledge ruin his mood, but he can feel the painful twist in his chest and the way annoyance creeps up on him.

"I gotta go to class," he lies and pushes his chair away from the table, not caring that the movement is _too sudden_ and _too forceful_ , making Hyungwon jump out of his way and almost falling over.

He grabs his bag and hurries the _fuck_ out of the cafeteria.

"Um," Hyungwon says intelligently. He isn't ready to be alone with Hoseok, _at all_.

Why did the lunch break end like this? He still has fifteen minutes before his next class starts. What is he going to do for _fifteen whole minutes_ alone with Hoseok? He can feel the sweat forming and his hands getting clammy. Hoseok appears to be lost in his thought, staring at where Changkyun walked away seconds ago. Hyungwon wonders why he left so quickly; momentarily distracted from his crush sitting right next to him he thinks about the hurt expression on Changkyun's face, the way he clenched his jaw and the icy look in his eyes.

"What do you think of him?" Hoseok asks suddenly, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Who?"

 _"Changkyun,"_ Hoseok elaborates, very interested in Hyungwon's opinion on the smaller man. He realizes then that the two must have a very close relationship and that Hoseok cares a lot for Changkyun, going by the soft look in his eyes.

"He seems like a cool guy," Hyungwon answers, unsure what else he could say, as they aren't friends,  yet.

Granted in the two weeks that have passed since the changing room meeting, Hyunwoo and Minhyuk seem to have gotten extremely close, Hyungwon can't say the same for himself and Changkyun (even less about Hoseok).

"That's all?" Hoseok asks, disappointment clear in his voice, in the way his eyes search Hyungwon's face for more.

"We just met but I'm sure I'll get along with him well. He is, uh, interesting and I would love to get to know him better and um _—_ " he trails off, unsure what else to say to make Hoseok look less disappointed. It works though because the man's face lights up.

"That's good. He is a great guy, you will _love_ him."

* * *

 

 _"—we took a walk around campus and talked some, but it wasn't—I don't think he actually_ likes _me. He kept asking me if you were in a relationship and if you were interested in someone,"_ Minhyuk explains through the phone and Hyungwon can just imagine the annoyed expression on his friend's face. _"No offense to you, but God I had this urge to strangle you. Can't believe you like, ruined my date with him without even being there."_

"Date?"

 _"Maybe_ not _date, but you know what I mean."_

"I do. Did you tell him about my crush on Hoseok?"

There is a silence. Hyungwon closes his eyes and lets out a long sigh.

_"I'm sorry. He is just really good at persuading me so I told him. He is a good friend of Hoseok, he could help."_

"What was his reaction? Did he say something about it?"

 _"Well—"_ Minhyuk pauses, even if Hyungwon can't see his face he knows that his friend's expression is troubled, most likely weighting his options on how to reply without hurting him. _"He didn't exactly seem mad about it but he wasn't happy to hear it either,"_ he hesitates before he carries on, _"I'm not sure why, though."_

"Bullshit, you do." Hyungwon sits up from where he was lying on his bed.

After being left alone with Hoseok the previous day during lunch there was a shift. Hyungwon exchanged phone numbers with his crush, who gave him Changkyun's number as well, insisting he should text the other man. Hyungwon did but Changkyun hasn't replied to him yet, he hasn't even seen the message. Throughout the whole day Hyungwon had this weird feeling but didn't pay much attention to it as classes were more important than his personal life. Once he arrived in his room he took a nap, which was interrupted by Minhyuk calling him to talk about his pining after Hyunwoo. It appears that it isn't going as well as Hyungwon thought.

"Come on, Minhyuk, I know you know something. _Spill_."

_"I'm sorry, I promised Hyunwoo I wouldn't."_

"You're supposed to be _my_ best friend."

_"Let's just not talk about it, alright? How about we go over to Kihyun's?"_

"Fine," he drops the subject, for now. "I can't believe he is the only one out of us that is in a stable relationship."

 _"I know. He used to be so pressed about having feelings for Jooheon. And now they're dating happily..."_ Minhyuk falls silent but it's full of things left unsaid. _"All jokes aside. I know I flirt around a lot and joke but I—You know after I got out of that relationship I swore to myself I wouldn't fall again... But I_ miss _being in love. Hyunwoo he—I'm not saying I'm in love, obviously, it's way too early but I think I could—There's a chance that I—"_ he stops again, the silence stretching out.

"I know," Hyungwon finally says, when it's clear that the other won't say anything else. "I want something like that. Like what Kihyun and Jooheon have. I've never _—_ I'm scared of completely falling."

_"Me too. It wasn't nice the first time."_

"I've never allowed myself because I—"

 _"Whatever_ they _said, it's not true. You're not broken, Hyungwon, for being cautious about who you give your heart to and—"_ Minhyuk clears his throat, voice tight, _"and Hoseok seems like a lovely guy. I'm sure if—I'm sure it could be something beautiful."_

Hyungwon wishes he could believe it but the feeling in his gut tells him otherwise, he hears the lie in the statement and he wonders what it is that Minhyuk knows. He wonders as well why Minhyuk would lie to him.

"Maybe," he says, trying to sound optimistic and not like he questions his friend's loyalty. "Kihyun's place in twenty?"

Minhyuk hums in agreement, then they hang up. Hyungwon lies back down on his bed and stares at the ceiling above him. He knew from the start that his crush on Hoseok was a one way road full of pain and heartbreak. For once it would be his own heart breaking, not the one of others. He realizes that maybe he is being a bit dramatic with it as he only just is getting to know Hoseok, so far all this crush has been was based completely on physical attraction, but the few and brief interactions he's had with the other point towards him possibly ending up having _an actual crush_ on Hoseok. He is screwed, so much is clear. Before he gets too tangled up in his thoughts, he pushes himself off of the bed to get ready to go over to Kihyun's flat (which has become Jooheon's flat as well, these past months; he wonders when the two will finally move in together).

When Hyungwon steps out of the bus that took him to the nearest bus stop to Kihyun's apartment complex, it is raining heavily. He sighs in relief as he pulls out a small umbrella from his backpack, he knew it would come in handy some day that he carries it around always. He opens it and braces himself for the short walk, it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the strong wind, the rain hitting his face, despite the umbrella. He takes a few steps and notices a person next to him, carrying grocery bags, the rain hitting the person full on as they don't have an umbrella _—_ only the hood of their hoodie over their head. Hyungwon feels bad for the individual, even more so when a particular strong gust of wind hits the person, their hood slipping off and revealing their face.

" _Ah_ ," he lets out surprised as he recognizes the person. "Changkyun?"

The smaller man turns around, startled at the mention of his name, and locks eyes with Hyungwon, trying to smile politely but he fails miserably; the annoyance too clear on his face.

"Hi."

"Do you want to come under the umbrella?" Hyungwon offers and when Changkyun starts to decline it, he rolls his eyes and moves close to the man. "Here, let me help you with the groceries."

"Thanks," he mumbles, handing over one of the bags, head lowered. "What are you doing here?"

" _What_?" He can't understand him as the rain and wind are too loud, he leans his head down to be able to hear what the other has asked.

"What are you doing here?" Changkyun repeats, looking up.

Hyungwon is taken aback by how close they are suddenly, and doesn't reply _—_ too focused noticing Changkyun's wet hair hanging low in his face, almost covering his eyes, and how long his eyelashes are, the color if his eyes entrancing him. Rain drops slide down Changkyun's face, one of them stopping at the corner of his lips, which are parted. Hyungwon's breath gets caught in his lungs.

"I—" He tries to collect his thoughts, remember _where_ he is, _why_ he is here, but he is still too distracted by the realization that Changkyun is _really_ handsome. "Kihyun."

"Right. I forgot you're friends with him." Changkyun starts to make his way over to the apartment block, he follows him.

Hyungwon used to paint when he was younger. Often, when he wasn't home and didn't have his painting utensils with him, he would stumble upon beautiful sceneries (like a sunset over the beach, the nightlife of a city, a thunderstorm over the sea) or people caught up in a moment (a couple lovingly staring at each other unaware of the life around them, a kid stopping to pet a cat in the middle of a busy street, a person laughing heartily at a joke) and he'd make a memo in his brain, like a detailed sketch of what he saw so he could later bring it to life on a canvas. The way Changkyun's face is engraved in his mind reminds him of that although this time, for some reason unknown to him, the way the man's face keeps replaying in his head feels more like an important reminder for something.

Hyungwon's chest tightens and he can't shake off the odd feeling that creeps up on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading the first chapter !!💛💛


	2. Step 2: Compliment him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hyungwon's heart makes up its mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I was on a short writing hiatus rip (depression rlly out here kicking my ass dhsjdh)
> 
> FIRSTABLE!!!!!! I am so Overwhelmed ??? with the response I got to the first chapter hfjdf You're all so sweet wtf <3<3 ily!!

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck._

After taking a break for some weeks he finally hits up the gym again, mostly because Minhyuk keeps insisting that he should tag along, and Hyungwon is _fine_. In no way is he stressing out because he isn't ready to face Hoseok again _—_ at least not when the man is sweating in a sleeveless shirt lifting weights. Hyungwon is weak.

In the changing room he has about fifty different mental breakdowns about the upcoming situation. What should he say? Should he even go over to Hoseok at all or should he stay away and pretend he hasn't seen him (even if he knows that the other works out every— _fucking_ —day)? Where even is Minhyuk?

His friend said he would wait for him so they could go together but there's no trace of the other and Hyungwon's stress levels are rising. He is in the middle of taking off his jeans when the door opens with force, someone walks in, and Hyungwon's brain short circuits. He is torn in between pulling his jeans up again to not be embarrassed by the person seeing him half naked, but at the same time this is a _changing_ room after all, where people _change_ their clothings.

In between being indecisive and startled by the person walking in, Hyungwon stumbles forward, hopping on his legs before he finally falls on the ground with a loud _thump_. He lets out a groan, dread filling him as he hears quick foot steps approach.

"Are you hurt?" the man asks, worriedly. It's that deep voice again.

"I'm fine," he replies, heaving himself off of the ground into a sitting position and without thinking about it too much he takes off his jeans and throws them over his shoulder. "This is exactly why I shouldn't go to the gym."

When Changkyun doesn't reply Hyungwon looks up, questioningly, and he realizes slowly that he sits on the floor with only his ugly, washed out boxer shorts on. Changkyun's face is red and he seems torn as he stares at him, finally he looks away, shuffling over to the bench behind Hyungwon where he drops his bag. He unzips it and takes out clothes.

Hyungwon stands up and glances curiously at him. "You're going to work out?"

"Um, yes," Changkyun replies, not looking at him, face still red.

"Why?" he asks, grabbing the shirt he brought and puts it on.

"Wonho convinced me. He had some, um, very appealing arguments on the matter." Changkyun finally, _finally_ , looks up at him, their eyes meeting.

Hyungwon is momentarily distracted by the way the light hits the other's eyes _—_ it's not even good lightning, and yet he can't look away _—_ and the way they're shaped, he can't pinpoint what it is exactly about them but he feels his chest tighten for a split second.

Then it's all over as Changkyun looks away again, intend on getting changed as well. He proceeds to take off his jacket, dropping it on the bench, then he works on the buttons of his dress shirt but he stops as he realizes he is being watched.

"What?" he asks, tone defensive, as he returns Hyungwon's stare.

"Nothing, I was just—I was contemplating something, uh... Just carry on with what you're doing." He snaps out of his daze, embarrassed and confused.

Hyungwon finally puts on his sweatpants, balling his jeans into his bag and stuffs it away into the locker he has been assigned. He ponders whether he should wait on Changkyun so they can go together or if he should go ahead, look for Minhyuk and ask him why the _fuck_ they're still going to the gym when they're both clearly not meant for this. His decision is made for him as Changkyun takes off his shirt, Hyungwon gapes a bit as he realizes that the guy has _abs_ (perhaps not as defined as Hoseok's but they're there) and that's his cue to get the fuck out of the changing room. In his hurry he almost trips over his own feet, but it goes by unnoticed.

 _What the fuck was that_ , he asks himself as he makes his way over to the work out area that contains all the equipment. His whole body feels warm and his stomach seems to have caught up on Hyungwon working out because it's doing summersaults.

He really needs to get a grip on himself.

At first he only spots unknown faces as he looks around to find Minhyuk but soon he sees him at the back of the room, together with Hoseok, and from afar it appears as if they're disagreeing about something. Hoseok's face is stern as he listens to what Minhyuk is saying, shaking his head repeatedly. When Hyungwon approaches them Hoseok's eyes fall on him and his expression changes, a look of guilt flashing through his eyes before he breaks out with a big smile. Minhyuk turns around, annoyed that they have been interrupted but upon seeing his best friend he relaxes a bit, not for long though as he seems to notice something (or more accurately someone) behind Hyungwon.

"Does this mean we all work out together? The four of us here?" Changkyun asks as he gets closer, standing close to his friend but giving Minhyuk a small nod.

"Yes, _excellent_ idea." Hoseok claps his hands together and rubs them. "What kind of—"

"I think we will pass," Minhyuk interrupts him and smiles tightly. "Come on, Hyungwon, we're going to our usual place."

With that he drags him away from the two men, who look taken aback by the tone in Minhyuk's voice. _Cold_. Hyungwon is confused but he doesn't ask, at least not yet, past experiences have taught him to wait until his friend cools down before he pesters him about what was happening.

He looks back one last time, Hoseok wears the same expression as before, when he was talking to Minhyuk, while Changkyun looks at his friend worriedly as he talks to him in a low voice.

* * *

 

Lazying around in his dorm room while his roommate is out is quite frankly Hyungwon's favorite pass time, when he isn't busy with dancing. Those are his two places to hit up in his free time. Dorm room or dance studio. He gets a lot of shit for it from Kihyun, who insists that Hyungwon needs to get out more and interact with more people, but he is comfortable with the routine he has; he doesn't miss anything and he surely doesn't need to befriend more people than he already has. Recently he even got three sort of new friends _—_ if the five words he exchanged with Hoseok count, and that he held a whole conversation with Hyunwoo once.

Alright, maybe he has only made _one_ new friend but it's better than nothing; he doesn't understand Kihyun's defensive attitude whenever Hyungwon brings up Changkyun and talks about how he is thinking about taking the younger man out for some dinner, so they can get to know one another better. They have been messaging over the past few days and Hyungwon has learnt three key aspects: 1) Changkyun is actually twenty-one, two years younger than him (which threw him off as the guy has a mature appearance and his deep voice definitely adds to that); 2) Changkyun loves food, _a lot;_  3) Changkyun is hilarious (despite that he shows himself to be rather shy around Hyungwon, through text he seems to loosen up a bit and cracks one joke after another that have Hyungwon clutching his stomach with laughter).

Hyungwon finds himself drawn to the guy in a way that he has never really felt before. Maybe Kihyun is right, and he should make more friends; maybe it has been _too_ long since the last time he made a new friend that the refreshing feeling Changkyun gives him is only because he needed some change in his life. Something _new_.

He glances at his wrist watch and jumps out of his bed, nearly tripping on the clothes laying around, to quickly get ready for his dance classes. At the beginning of the semester he promised his teacher that he would help her out with the new students, as there ended up being a huge wave of people applying to the studio, and although his teacher insisted it was all because of him _—_ they set up a YouTube channel some months ago, and posted several videos of Hyungwon's dance practices, gaining a huge following and many students from university gained interest in learning dance _—_ he doesn't want to be the one getting the credit when all he has learnt in the past ten years is thanks to his teacher.

Once he reaches the dance studio and stumbles inside, apologizing for being five minutes late, his teacher calls all the students to form a circle, and pulls out a box with paper, pens, and pins. She explains they will do a quick introduction and to make things easier everyone will wear their names pinned to their chest. Hyungwon starts walking around the circle with the box in his hand so the students can start on the task when he halts in front of a guy smaller than him, hood pulled over his head, and looking downwards, but even if he can't see his face Hyungwon recognizes him _—_ besides in the past weeks he has gotten used to the perfume Changkyun chooses to wear _,_ and when he stands in front of him the familiar smell surrounds Hyungwon. For some reason his lungs hurt as he inhales his next breath.

"I didn't know you were into dancing," he says, accompanied with a bright smile.

"I figured it can't hurt to try something new," Changkyun replies with a shrug, looking up.

"I'll make sure to be a good teacher."

"I thought _she_ was the teacher." Changkyun nods his head in the direction of the woman, who is setting up the stereo.

"Well yeah, she is, but I'm here to help her out and teach those that struggle a bit," Hyungwon explains and Changkyun opens his mouth to reply something, eyes playful but the girl next to him clears her throat.

"If you're _done_  could you pass on the box, please?"

Hyungwon can feel his insides jump in embarrassment and he feels like he is suffocating but it's nothing compared to the blush that is spreading on Changkyun's face.

"Right," he drawls out and moves away, feeling oddly annoyed at the girl.

He moves around the circle until every student stands with a name pin tagged to their shirt, then Hani, his teacher,, starts the class with some basic stretching poses to avoid any muscle pulling or future injuries. With amusement Hyungwon watches as Changkyun seems so struggle, badly hiding his pain as it's written all over his face (as well as frustration).

"Hyungwon," comes Hani's voice and he drags his eyes away from the guy, rising his eyebrows questioningly, "remember the choreography we talked about? Can you please demonstrate them the first part of it _—_ the intro? Steps one to thirty-two, that's all we will try to learn for today."

  

Changkyun is trying hard not to yell as he watches Hyungwon walk in front of the big mirror, head lowered as he waits for the music to start. The first beats start to resonate throughout the room and the dancer doesn't move; but then on the tenth beat the bass joins in and Hyungwon steps out with his right foot, head snapping up to look at himself in the mirror. There's an intensity in his gaze that makes Changkyun shiver, he has never seen this side of Hyungwon, never seen him dance in person and he is entranced. He remembers the video Jooheon showed him months ago of Hyungwon and some other guy dancing in this same practice room, but it isn't the same as actually sitting on the floor, feet away from the dancer, seeing the way he swiftly moves to the music as if he is being controlled by it, the easiness with which he moves his feet, and the focused look in his eyes. It's all almost _too much_ for Changkyun to handle.

Before his heart completely bursts out of his chest Hyungwon stops moving and turns around, Hani turns off the music and claps enthusiastically, the students join in. Hyungwon beams and his eyes fall on Changkyun who knows he must look dazed and in awe because suddenly the tall man seems shy as he walks towards his teacher, cheeks turning red.

Changkyun slowly starts to feel good again about his decision to join this dancing classes _—_ he did curse himself out five minutes ago when he had struggled to stretch properly, ignoring the stinging feeling in his legs _._ If some suffering means he gets to see all these sides to Hyungwon that hasn't had the chance to discover before, then he will even stretch double the time.

He realizes then that he really is liking Hyungwon more than he initially planned, he blames it on Wonho who tries hard to push them together, unaware of the fact that it's a one way road for Changkyun, but the older seems so supportive and excited about this whole thing that Changkyun hasn't found the moment to break it to Wonho and undoubtedly ruin the mood. He hopes at some point in this slow building friendship with Hyungwon that his heart will stop beating like _that_ in his chest, and that his crush is simply limited to his desire to get to know the other. It was the same when he first met Kihyun years ago; he remembers the way he adored the other boy when they first met in high school; in love with his looks and his passion for photography, but as they got closer that feeling faded and Changkyun realized that he wasn't crushing on Kihyun _—_ rather it was just the feeling of wanting to get to know him (plus simple admiration for an older student).

He hopes it's the same with Hyungwon, he really does.

The thought of actually _falling in love_ with Hyungwon whilst the guy clearly has a crush on Wonho would be way too familiar and painful, and Changkyun isn't sure he can go through that experience again without _it_ causing a deep cut in between him and Wonho. He knows it's unfair but he is still recovering from the first time.

* * *

 

The rain patters against his window heavily and although it's closed and sealed, the candle that stands on his desk flickers from time to time. His teeth chatter and he presses the blanket more firmly around himself.

_Fucking power failures._

Hyungwon was supposed to meet Changkyun for a fun movie marathon, turns out their love for dramatic and cheesy romcoms is mutual, but they canceled it about half an hour ago as the building Hyungwon lives in has troubles with its electricity. His roommate is lucky enough to have a girlfriend he scurried off to, probably with a functioning heating system, watching movies. _Ugh_.

Hyungwon's mind wanders off to another place _—_ he has been there once. He wonders if that place has power right now (probably, seeing as only Hyungwon's dorm is affected by this) and he wonders if Changkyun...

He bolts up from his bed in shock, the blanket around his shoulders slipping off as he stares at the darkness around him, the candle's light flickering heavily due to the gust his movement has produced. His heart beats wildly in his chest and he frantically tries to calm it down. _What the fuck_ , he repeats in his head. He is panicking, which isn't good, but his mind was going a place he wasn't fully aware existed.

"There is no way," he whispers to himself, blindly grabs around himself until he finds his phone, scrolling through his contacts until he finds the person he needs to see right now.

It rings a couple of time. " _Hyungwon?_ " comes Minhyuk's voice, it sounds raspy as if he just got up from a nap. " _Aren't you supposed to have a movie marathon or something right now?_ "

"Yes—No. Power's out."

" _That sucks._ "

"Minhyuk can you please come over. I think I'm about to have a mental breakdown."

" _On my way,_ " There are shuffling noises. " _What happened?_ " Minhyuk asks after a while, he sounds a bit breathless, as if he is walking fast.

"I don't know. I think I—" He pauses, thinking carefully about his words. He thinks about his feelings over the past months and if they're definite, if he should even mention it. "I think I fucked up. More specifically, I think my heart fucked up."

" _Oh,_ " Minhyuk breathes out, even in such a small and insignificant word, the uncertainty and weight is palpable. " _I'm almost there, see you in five._ "

The line goes dead and Hyungwon can hear his heartbeat in his head, rushing through his body. His mind is still partly in Hoseok and Changkyun's shared flat, wondering if he were to be there what they'd be doing but instead of picturing himself watching movies and sharing a blanket with his supposed crush, he thinks about Changkyun. Maybe because they were supposed to have a marathon, after all, but he isn't naive enough to think like that. He knows what meaning this simple idea has. He is confused by this development, caught off guard.

He is supposed to have a crush on Hoseok, _fuck_.

His phone ringing startles him, Minhyuk's ID flashing brightly. He arrived. Hyungwon gets up quickly and this time the candle fades and he is surrounded by complete darkness. Hyungwon grabs his phone and turns on the flashlight, making his way to the door. He presses the button to open the main door and waits as Minhyuk walks up the stairs, his steps echoing in the empty building.

"Hey, what's up?" Minhyuk asks when he stands in front of him, taking off his shoes before entering the room. He blinks irritatedly as Hyungwon has been pointing the phone's flashlight in his face.

"Sorry." Hyungwon turns the light away, towards the floor, and closes the door, following his friend inside the room.

"So tell me, what's wrong?"

Hyungwon sighs deeply, sitting down on his bed where Minhyuk has already made himself comfortable on, feet dangling on the edge, he has his own phone in hand, flashlight turned on as well.

"I don't know. It's confusing me, so much."

"You said—On the phone you said your heart fucked up? What do you mean? Is this about Hoseok?"

"Yes and no. I'm not sure." Hyungwon stares at the ceiling, the phones casting eery shadows on it. "I wanted to ask you; why have you been acting so strange lately?"

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, Minhyuk. You and Kihyun have been acting weirdly whenever I hang out with Changkyun. And you avoid my questions about Hoseok."

"Lately you haven't asked much about Hoseok..." Minhyuk's voice carries an insinuation that Hyungwon isn't sure he is interpreting in the right way.

"I know," he replies, sighing again. "But in the beginning, after you started hanging out with Hyunwoo, you—He told you something, didn't he? And you act weird around Hoseok. Can you please tell me what is going on?"

"Hyunwoo hasn't told—" Minhyuk starts, turning his head towards him, and he stops in his sentence, taking in Hyungwon's expression. "Fuck, _alright_. Hoseok has a friend who has a crush on you and he is helping said friend to win you over. He doesn't—He is not going to—The reason why I act so careful around Hoseok is because I don't want you to get hurt," he explains, but it's clear there's a lot more to it. "Hyunwoo told me about that when we hung out. He cares a lot about this friend, which is why he was so interested in whether you dated or not. It's cute how much they _care_ about this friend."

Hyungwon takes in the answer and for some reason it doesn't really hurt him that much that Hoseok has zero interest in him. _Au contraire,_ it makes him feel a bit relieved, almost as if it were something he could check off. _Case closed_.

Then he thinks about this _friend_ Minhyuk has mentioned, and he wonders who it is. Deep down he feels as if he should know but it couldn't be _—_ there is no way. The universe or higher powers don't just place all the puzzle pieces right for him, and he only has to put the last one in place to make it complete. It never is that easy.

"Hyungwon?" Minhyuk asks, unsure. "Are you okay? I thought perhaps your crush on Hoseok faded and that this wouldn't hurt you. I'm sorry." He moves his arm around Hyungwon's shoulder and presses him to his chest, running his hand up and down his back. "It'll be alright. You _will_ find someone that loves you. You deserve it."

"Have you?"

"Have I what?"

"Found someone that loves you?"

There's a short, heavy silence, "I think I have."

"I'm glad," he replies honestly, his heart squeezing in both happiness and pain.

He is genuinely happy for his friend, if anyone deserves a loving boyfriend it's Minhyuk, who has dealt with really shitty relationships in his past, from cheaters to abusive boyfriends. Hyungwon hopes Hyunwoo is the _one_ ; the one who will love and cherish Minhyuk. But the pain comes with the realization that once again Hyungwon hasn't been able to actually completely fall for someone, instead it was a short lived infatuation with someone he barely knew. Once again he feels lonely and unlovable, because the infatuation wasn't even returned.

He lets out a quiet sob, Minhyuk hugs him closer and whispers soothing things to him.

* * *

 

"I swear, if it looks bad I allow you to shave off my hair," Jooheon promises for the tenth time that evening, shaking his leg in excitement as he looks at the hairdresser applying bleach onto Changkyun's hair.

"I don't even know _how_ you convinced me," he says honestly, staring back at himself in the mirror, he avoids looking at what the hairdresser is doing because he will regret it immediately.

"Don't worry, a guy with a face like yours can wear anything," the hairdresser reassures him with a smile.

He nods gratefully but avoids the mirror nonetheless, looking instead at Jooheon who sits cross legged at the chair next to him, some magazine in his hands that he reads on and off, sometimes quoting something in it; mostly he just teases Changkyun, though. The door of the salon opens and Jooheon looks up, a grin slowly spreading over his face, and with a quick glance at Changkyun, he raises his arm to wave at the newcomer.

"Hyungwon," he calls out.

Hyungwon looks over at them, surprised, and after talking to the man at the front desk he approaches them, giving out a small _hey_ that has Changkyun's inners melting ( _fuck_ , he needs to be less whipped).

"Are you getting a dye job as well?" Jooheon asks.

"No, I had to book _another_ appointment for Minhyuk. He wants to get curls for some reason," Hyungwon explains with a shrug, lingering next to Jooheon's seat while he seems to be interested in what is happening to Changkyun's hair.

"Damn, I can imagine it. He will look so good."

"He has had them before and definitely it's a look."

"The applying of the bleach is done, we will have to wait for forty-five minutes now. Afterwards I can apply the light brown and the blue." The hairdresser removes the utensils he used and places a plastic cap on Changkyun's head, then he leaves to attend another customer.

Hyungwon moves closer to his chair, standing right behind him and places his hands on his shoulders. He doesn't seem to be aware of the action as he keeps talking to Jooheon.

"I once tried to curl Kihyun's hair but he kicked me in the shins, as retaliation he decided to curl mine but jokes on him I actually looked good and that night—"

" _Alright, alright, alright_ , that's more than I needed to know, thank you." Hyungwon tightens his grip momentarily before he lets go again. "You and Kihyun have literally no filter at all, it's gross."

"Not my fault that you're single and miserable."

"Fuck off, I'm _trying_."

"I can _see_ that." Jooheon smirks, eyes meeting Changkyun's, who tries to tell him through telepathy that he should just shut his mouth, but obviously it doesn't work. "What about you, Changkyun? Single and miserable as well?"

"Fuck you, no, I'm single and happy."

"No one you're crushing on?" Hyungwon asks, his eyes meeting Changkyun's through the mirror, and he forgets all about Jooheon. "That's a shame, anyone to have you would be lucky," the tall boy keeps talking, not aware that Changkyun is slowly losing his mind. "You got a good fashion sense, your deep voice is really nice to listen to, I'll admit I was a bit surprised in the beginning though. And your nose, even Kihyun admitted that it's an attractive nose."

" _Step two, compliment him,_ " Jooheon reads out loud.

"What?" Hyungwon asks, startled and flustered, and steps away from the chair Changkyun is dying in, his arms dropping by his sides.

"I'm just reading this article, that's all." Jooheon lifts his eyes off of the magazine to look at Hyungwon, his stare inquisitive. 

"Oh, I see."

 

One hour and a half later Changkyun's hair is finally done and he doesn't regret it at all, it looks good; the barely noticeable blue streaks in it give him an interesting vibe. He is about to tell Jooheon that he is lucky and there will be no shaving off anyone's hair, when he catches Hyungwon staring at him with wide eyes, it isn't even subtle, and Changkyun feels nervous as he stands up from the chair, not meeting the taller man's eyes. He chooses instead to get his bag, which lies next to Jooheon, who has the same infuriating smirk as before _—_ the expression he wears is the same that Wonho often has when he teases him about Hyungwon.

"You look good. Like _really_ good. If it weren't for Kihyun I would definitely—"

"Please shut up."

"Fine, sorry. But it does look good, like I said it would. You can wear anything, Changkyun, you just got one of those faces," Jooheon says honestly, and Changkyun can't help but feel flustered.

"I agree, you definitely have one of those faces. Plus, you always dress nicely, that's a killer combo," Hyungwon agrees with Jooheon, finally snapping out of his trance, and nods appreciatively.

"Thank you." This time Changkyun does look back and smiles at him.

The trio leaves the salon, chatting about this and that, and makes their way over to a small shop to eat something quick before they have to part ways.

After ordering they sit at a table at the back of the shop, dumping their bags and jackets in the corner of the bench. Changkyun doesn't miss the way Hyungwon seems to be fascinated by his new look, he isn't sure how to feel about all this new attention he is getting. He wishes he could enjoy it and return all the gazes but his heart clenches in his chest because there's a small voice in the back of his mind reminding him that Hyungwon likes Wonho, and that he has no chance, so he limits himself to pretend he doesn't notice at all. He pretends to be clueless, even as he catches Jooheon's eyes on him, who waggles his eyebrows and smirks. Changkyun shakes his head softly, almost imperceptible, but they've been friends for so long that Jooheon understands and drops his act, frowning slightly.

"I completely forgot to ask you, Changkyun; do you remember this choreography I have been working on?" Hyungwon asks then and Changkyun nods, how could he forget. "The showcase is next week and I was wondering if you'd want to come? To cheer me on?"

Changkyun knew those acting classes he once took with Kihyun and Hyunwoo would come in handy because it takes all the control within himself to not combust on the spot; he schools his expression into something that won't show how eager he truly feels, and tries his hardest to not blush.

"Sure, why not," he replies.

Hyungwon beams at him and Jooheon clears his throat, awkwardly.

"You're invited too, Jooheon."

"I'll see how it fits into my schedule," Jooheon starts, "besides I think Changkyun will do a marvelous job at cheering you on _all_ _by_ _himself_. In high school he was part of the cheerleading team and let me tell you—"

"Alright, that's _enough_ ," Changkyun interrupts his friend, shooting him a meaningful look.

If they unpack the high school memories, Changkyun has got some very interesting things he could tell Kihyun about Jooheon.

"Alright, fine."

"Now _that_ really makes me want to know what he did," Hyungwon says, pouting.

"Sorry, if mister Im doesn't want me to spill I won't. But I got some pictures that I wouldn't mind accidentally sending." Jooheon winks but Changkyun knows his friend wouldn't betray his trust like that.

"All I'll say to that is remember the first college party we went to."

" _Fuck_ , please no."

"Huh, I thought Changkyun was a rather shy person," Hyungwon comments, cocking his head at the youngest, curiosity written all over his face.

 _"Shy?"_ Jooheon snorts but catches his friend's eyes and turns serious. "Sure, yes, he is shy. Not someone that gets wild at parties, coming up with weird dances together with Kihyun, dropping ugly pick up lines left and right, mixing up the weirdest drinks—Yeah, no, he is _totally_ shy."

"Can we maybe _not_ talk about me? Thanks."

"I see." Hyungwon raises his eyebrows at him, amused. "Then, are you only shy with me?"

Jooheon makes a weird sound, like he is holding back a scream, which Changkyun would relate to if it weren't for the fact that he is choking on air, completely taken aback by Hyungwon's boldness, and the fact that he has been so easily read and exposed by his crush.

"Um," he manages to formulate.

Before the situation gets anymore awkward the shop owner calls out the numbers of their orders and the tension that has been building dissipates as Changkyun jumps up from his seat, desperate to escape. He hopes it's not as obvious. This time he can't control the blush that spreads on his face and the woman at the register throws him a funny look as she hands him his bowl with food. Jooheon follows suit and leans in to whisper something into his ear.

"If you don't want him to know, be less obvious."

"Fuck you, you were worse with Kihyun."

"Yeah, but I snatched him, so." He leaves the sentences unfinished, walking back to their table.

Hyungwon gets up to get his food as well now that he doesn't have to watch over their bags. He thanks the owner and turns, waiting on Changkyun but when the younger doesn't move he frowns worriedly.

"Changkyun, are you alright?"

Changkyun looks up at him and realizes that he is fucked because he really, _really_ , can't control the way his heart skips a beat in his chest, his hands shake slightly, and how he feels so overwhelmed that he could cry. He is fucked because he really, _really_ , might already be falling for Hyungwon.

"I'm fine," he croaks out but is well aware that the lie is palpable in his statement.

Hyungwon notices, of course, but doesn't say anything, instead chooses to sling his arm around Changkyun's shoulder and walks them back to their table.

* * *

 

"Should I bring you a bucket where you can drool into or are you going to be fine?" Jooheon asks teasingly as he glances at him.

"Fuck off," Changkyun replies, kicking his friend's shin, the action doesn't go unnoticed by Kihyun, who gives him a disapproving glare.

"Be quiet, this is Hyungwon's moment," Minhyuk shushes them and points at the camera in his hand, which is directed towards the big stage.

They are at Hyungwon's dance showcase, said dancer is currently alone on stage, moving his body to some American pop song, and Changkyun is quite frankly overwhelmed. He knows how much of a good dancer Hyungwon is, he has seen him practice over the past weeks. Changkyun hates himself and is a masochist because he agreed to help Hyungwon out with the practicing so he suffered through long, late hours watching his friend move gracefully and alluringly to the music. How he hasn't died from heart problems is a mystery to him. He wasn't aware though that the stage outfit would be so _—_ _daring_. To put it lightly.

Hyungwon is dressed in a blue suit, a black belt around his waist, and a choker around his neck. His black hair is parted in the middle, exposing his forehead. His eyes are rimmed with eyeshadow that makes them look more dangerous. But the worst thing is the fact that the jacket is mostly unbuttoned, revealing his whole chest. Changkyun has been internally screaming for ten minutes now. He knows Hyungwon is performing three songs alone and a group one in the end. This is only the second song and he is ready to faint and never wake up again.

One hour and multiple internal gay screaming sessions later the dance showcase is finally over and they're heading over to the backstage where Hyungwon is waiting on them, he has texted them to come to the changing room. Changkyun isn't ready at all to face a sweating Hyungwon in _that_ outfit but as they near the door he knows there is no backing out, and he braces himself for what he is about to face.

 _Don't be too obvious_ , he repeats in his head as Jooheon pushes open the door, the people in the changing room paying them no attention as other family members or friends are constantly coming and leaving. At first he doesn't see Hyungwon but then he sees the tall man at the back of the room, his jacket completely unbuttoned, the belt gone, and his abs and chest on display. Changkyun gulps and casts his eyes away. _Fuck_.

Minhyuk excitedly approaches his friend, the group following him. They congratulate him, Kihyun sort of aggressively slaps his shoulders a couple of time and reaches up to mess up Hyungwon's hair further, which only worsens the situation for Changkyun.

"Um, you dance well," he stutters out once only he is left to congratulate the dancer.

"Thank you." Hyungwon grins and pulls him in to half hug him.

Minhyuk reaches into his backpack and pulls out a huge bouquet of flowers, some are broken and the floor fills with petals, but Hyungwon is delighted and takes them, a huge grin on his face.

"Did you just pull a _Mulan_?" Wonho asks him in a whisper, smirking.

"Fuck you." He glares at his friend. "How am I supposed to function when he—" He moves his hand around and gives up, sighing in resignation.

"It was cute, though," Hyunwoo comments, the exchange not going by unnoticed to him. "I think he is endeared by your gay malfunctioning."

"Thanks, that _really_ encourages me."

* * *

 

Wonho is about two seconds away from committing a crime as his patience is running thin, if he catches Changkyun secretly glancing at Hyungwon only to avoid the taller boy's gaze when he looks back one more time, he will lose his shit and it won't be pretty.

Another thing that's been bothering him is the incessant way Minhyuk seems to ruin all of his plans, constantly cutting in between Changkyun and Hyungwon, and throwing glares in Wonho's direction. He doesn't understand what Minhyuk's deal is, he doesn't seem to be in love with Hyungwon, going by the way he clings onto Hyunwoo, but for some reason he doesn't seem to support the idea of Hyungwon and Changkyun either. At first Wonho thought that Minhyuk just needed to warm up to the young man, but it's been months since they all started to hang out and Minhyuk has since then gotten close to Changkyun.

Wonho really doesn't understand but he isn't going to interfere, at least not yet, he doesn't want to ruin Hyunwoo's chances with Minhyuk. He doesn't want to ruin this new friendship that seems to have unfolded in between the two groups.

"No, no, not like that. You have to—" Hyungwon approaches Changkyun, who stands in the middle of the dance practice room, looking dejected and frustrated, his hands balled to fists at his sides. "You need to relax," Hyungwon tells him, rubbing circles in the other's back; it's supposed to be a nice gesture but Wonho knows that it will have the exact opposite effect on his friend.

"I _am_ relaxed."

"You're not."

"Changkyun, I can see your clenched jaw from here." Wonho points out, smirking.

"Why are you even here anymore?" Changkyun shoots him a glare but rolls his shoulders and relaxes his face.

"To avoid that you embarrass yourself."

"Why would he embarrass himself?" Hyungwon asks curiously, glancing in between the two.

Wonho opens his mouth but closes it again, unsure what he could say that wouldn't directly expose his friend but perhaps could help him get closer to his crush. Changkyun looks at him pleadingly.

"Because he is a bad dancer," Wonho finally replies, he sees his friend visibly relax, letting out a quiet sigh.

"He is not _that_ bad. He just needs to loosen up a bit, practice some more, and he could become a good dancer," Hyungwon defends the younger, giving him an encouraging smile.

"Wonho, you're going to be late," Changkyun pipes up, ignoring what Hyungwon has said, although the tips of his ears are red.

"Right, right. See you later." He grabs his bag from where lies in the corner of the dancing room.

He waves at them and walks towards the exit. He could have stayed a couple of minutes longer; after all, the appointment he has is going to the gym which is two floors up and he can take the elevator to reach it, but he wants his friend to spent some time alone with his crush _—_ that is the only thing in his interest these days. He is excited for Changkyun, the last time he showed interest in anyone was 7 years ago and it didn't end well, and he hopes that this time around there won't be any hearts breaking, tears falling for months, and bad grades. Wonho really can't deal with a sad Changkyun again, it was disastrous and dragged everyone's mood down. He isn't all that sure about Hyungwon yet, he didn't have a chance to really get to know him as every time he so much as approaches the taller man in university, Hyungwon turns shy and avoids his eyes, making up some excuse to flee out of Wonho's range. He has asked Hyunwoo about it, who made sure to change the topic immediately; and Kihyun, who looked torn and ended up stress cooking, tuning Wonho out.

He isn't entirely sure why they act like that and he feels left out, but he guesses there must be a reason, most likely linked to Minhyuk's weird behavior as well. He is torn in between letting it be for now, watch how things play out naturally and wait for his friends to finally let him in on whatever secret it is that they're hiding, and calling them out.

He thinks maybe he could ask Jooheon, he has been there when Changkyun's heart got broken the first time and it is in his interest to see the younger happy. He stops to unzip his bag and retrieve his phone but realizes that he has left it in the dance practice room, with a heavy sigh he turns around and walks back down the hallway.

Wonho quietly opens the door as to not disturb the dancers but as he looks at the mirror he sees that the two aren't dancing, they're sitting on the floor across each other, talking.

"—you feel now that you talk to him normally?" He catches the last bit of Changkyun's question over the music, that is now playing quieter than before.

"It's not as nerve wrecking as before." Hyungwon shrugs.

"That's good, isn't it?"

"It should be but for some reason something feels off."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know how to explain it," Hyungwon starts, a frustrated expression flashing across his face. "Do you ever think, what if sometimes we don't _actually_ fall—I've never had feelings for someone before so I don't know if I—" He lets out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair.

"So you're saying you _don't_ have a crush on him anymore?" Changkyun asks and even if Wonho can't see his expression as his back is turned towards the mirror, he knows his friend is wearing a hopeful expression.

Hyungwon's eyes wander across Changkyun's face. "How would you even describe having a crush?"

"I'm not the best person to ask this but I think," Changkyun starts, head lowering, "if you really _do_ have a crush on him then your heart would beat wildly in your chest when he is around or when he talks to you. And you would—When you think about him you just feel _warm_ inside; you catch yourself smiling like a fool." He stops to look up at Hyungwon, his tone soft. "And you want to see him happy, no matter what, even if he might not return your feelings. It hurts a lot, knowing he won't reciprocate your love but it's alright, because at least he is your friend, you know?"

Hyungwon seems to consider what Changkyun is saying but before he even can say anything the younger continues his speech, too caught up in the moment.

"And I know you're not close friends yet but you can get closer, get to know him and see all these sides to him. What he looks like when he is laughing at some stupid joke you make or the way he looks early in the morning when he hasn't had the time to properly get ready for class." Changkyun takes a deep, stuttering breath. "And I—you really fall in love with the way he smells, even if it's some perfume that you usually wouldn't even pay attention to, but suddenly when you come across someone else who wears it, your heartbeat picks up and you think about _him_. And—"

"Changkyun, do you like someone?" Hyungwon interrupts the younger, the tone colder than necessary.

"I—um, why are you asking?" Changkyun squeaks out.

"The way you talk, it seems as if you were talking about someone."

There's a short silence and Wonho doesn't need to see Changkyun's face to know that it's bright red. "Yes, I do like someone. A _lot_."

"Who is it?"

"That's not important."

"Alright." Hyungwon squints his eyes but drops the topic immediately, proceeding to stand up. "Let's keep practicing." He walks over to the stereo.

"So, do you have a crush on Wonho then?" Changkyun asks, voice quiet but Wonho catches it, everything clicks in his mind. _Shit_.

Hyungwon stops in his tracks and turns around to face the younger man again, who is still sitting on the floor, looking up at him. Wonho wants to leave, he doesn't want to hear the reply but he is rooted to the spot; this whole situation is all too familiar and he can feel his heart shatter in his chest, he hoped that this time luck would be in Changkyun's favor but—

Wonho cringes inwardly as a loud blaring noise comes from his phone, it lies on the stereo, next to Hyungwon's phone. Changkyun flinches from where he sits, swallowing hard as he stares at the source of the loud ringing. Hyungwon seems equally startled, not moving for a couple of seconds as if he doesn't know how to function properly. Wonho decides it's time to actually walk inside and retrieve his phone, like he initially planned. He readies himself as he slowly pushes open the door, going for an apologetic look as he approaches the stereo.

"I am terribly sorry, I forgot my phone," he says, daring a glance at the two.

Hyungwon is still rooted to the spot, his expression is unreadable, while Changkyun is now standing up and giving Wonho _The Look_ , the one that sees right through Wonho's act. He shrugs helplessly at the younger, subtly waving his phone as a sort of explanation. Changkyun sighs and nods, he moves his index finger in a circle and Wonho understands that they'll talk about it later.

"I won't hold you two up any more time." He walks out of the room quickly, simultaneously cursing yet blessing the caller.

* * *

 

Hyungwon is going to absolutely start yelling any second now, his mood has been dropping over the past few days, his heart has been hurting like _hell,_ and he has caught himself pointlessly staring into the void a lot. Maybe not as pointless as he would like to tell himself, there has been a certain someone, a certain type of feeling and idea that has been forming in his head, one that he is scared of and doesn't exactly understand. He gets the gist of it, has seen it happen slowly over the past months to Minhyuk. He knows what it means, what it does.

But he has never allowed himself to _completely—_

He hasn't found someone he'd trust to—

Hyungwon kicks his blankets in frustration and runs his hand through his hair before he lifts it in the air, in front of him, stretching out his fingers, and keeps thinking about whatever the _fuck_ his heart is doing. He thinks about the way it has been beating quicker for some time now whenever his phone chimes; whenever he walks into the seminar; whenever he walks into the gym. Doesn't matter the place he goes to, what mood he finds himself in, his heart will undoubtedly stutter in his chest when there's a chance a _certain_ _guy_ might find himself in the place Hyungwon is going to.

His heart will stutter and he will feel this urge to simultaneously laugh and cry, his lungs giving up and his breathing coming out quicker, as if he has been running a marathon when all he is doing is stare at the way Changkyun's eyelashes flutter when he blinks in confusion _—_ or after making a stupid joke. He will deal with his cheeks being constantly rosy as he bursts into flames every time the younger smiles at him or touches him.

The whole process his body goes through every time Changkyun is nearby drives Hyungwon up the walls because he _knows_. He knows what _it_ means but he wishes he _didn't_. He wishes he could pretend he doesn't know, to be clueless. Or maybe he wishes it would go away. But the way Changkyun is surely and steadily becoming one of Hyungwon's best friends, so is the feeling growing in Hyungwon's heart, mind, soul.

He wishes it were just some stupid infatuation like he lived with Hoseok, that was merely about getting the guy's attention and see what his lips taste like. But this time it's so much _more._ It's different. He wants to do better as a person, he wants to make Changkyun happy, whatever it takes, even if it were to give him up.

He wants to give Changkyun all he has to offer. And that scares him because never has he felt this strongly. It scares him because it hasn't even been _that_ long ever since he met the younger; is it even possible to fall in love this quickly? Why is it different this time? Why isn't it just a simple infatuation? How come he didn't develop a crush first, like he always seen it happen to others or read about in books? Why is he skipping all of that and immediately falling in love?

He hates his heart. Because if this is really _—_ If it's _it_ , then he is fucked, for many reasons. Changkyun has a crush on someone else and Hyungwon doesn't believe it's him. There's a chance, yes, but _fuck,_ he is scared to risk it. He hasn't felt this before and he doesn't want to ruin it.

He knows it won't go away. He _knows_. He'll have to deal with it. A part of him is delighted and gleeful that he feels this way, that he has a chance to experience this, that _—_

His doorbell interrupts his train of thoughts and he jumps up from his bed, reaching out to look at the clock on his phone. 9:34pm it reads.

"Shit," he curses and gets up, rushing as the bell rings again.

It's a Friday night and his roommate is out, at his girlfriend's, so Hyungwon took the chance to invite over his friends to pregame at his flat before they head out to Dowoon's big Christmas party. The boy's parents are away for a couple of weeks during the vacations and he seized the opportunity to throw a party.

 

They have been at the party for about three hours now and the room is blurry, but not as much as to make him throw up or spit out bullshit. His brain is still functioning, maybe his thought process is slower than before and he walks a bit funnily, but that is as much as his drunk state goes. So when Hoseok approaches him with a girl by his side, who smiles excitedly at him, he _knows_. He thinks back to his conversation with Minhyuk a couple of weeks ago and he lets out a heavy sigh before he smiles politely at her. His eyes dash to Changkyun, who still clutches onto Younghyun and laughs loudly at whatever the white haired boy is saying.

Hyungwon feels bad momentarily but then he remembers the way Changkyun talked about his crush _—_ the admiration and love in his tone _—_ and he forces himself to calm down. If Younghyun is the one that makes Changkyun happy then he will support his friend.

"Hyungwon!" Hoseok calls out, slapping his shoulder. "This is Seulgi, she has a question for you," he explains and pushes the girl towards him before he stumbles away into the crowd again, bumping into Minhyuk and Hyunwoo who were making out. Minhyuk looks annoyed but when he catches Hyunwoo's amused glance, his whole expression changes and he lets out a giggle.

Hyungwon lets out a sigh, turning his eyes away from the scene and settling them on Seulgi.

"Do you want to go somewhere quieter?" he asks, she nods in response and leads the way.

After some walking they find a quieter room, it looks like a study going by the desk in the middle of the room and the bookshelves pushed against the walls. It looks fancy and Hyungwon wonders yet again what the fuck Dowoon's parents work as. But the thought is erased when Seulgi sits on the edge of the desk and motions with her hand for him to approach him.

He doesn't know how many sighs he has let out this night, but he thinks this is probably the heaviest.

"Listen, Seulgi," he starts before she can even open her mouth. "I appreciate it and all. It's sweet and really flattering but, uh _—_ "

" _What_?" she interrupts him and frowns, her tone is icy; she looks confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I was turning you down?" he replies unsure, his statement turning into a question as he slowly realizes that maybe he's read the situation wrongly.

Seulgi rolls her eyes before she lets out a loud, disbelieving laugh.

"For _that_ I would have to ask you out first," she says, her tone sharp. Hyungwon swallows, feeling ashamed that he has misread her intention. "Which I won't. You're not my type, _at all_. I'm as gay as they come. And I have a girlfriend, so you can calm your ego down."

"I—I'm sorry, I didn't mean—It's just Hoseok has a friend who has a crush on me and I thought—" he stutters out, completely taken aback and feeling exposed. This has never happened to him before and he wants to die of embarrassment.

"Chill, it's fine. It'll be a funny story to tell Irene."

"Wait, _Irene_? She is your girlfriend?"

"Yes, why?"

"Nothing. She's just, um, intimidating, I guess?"

"She'll love to hear that." Seulgi smirks, amused, then she clears her throat, turning serious. "All I wanted to ask was if you could help me out with some uni work."

"Of course, yes."

"Perfect, put in your number and I'll text you, or whatever." She hands him her phone and he types in his digits. "Thank you, see you." She walks out, patting his shoulder in a half mocking way. "By the way, Wonho's friend that has a crush on you is a _guy_."

 _"Oh,"_ he breathes out and looks at the door that swings back slowly, the sound of Seulgi's heels clicking down the hallway fades into the distance until all that he hears is the bass of the music in the other room.

Hyungwon wonders once again about the possibility that Changkyun might be the one with a crush on him but he dismisses it quickly as he thinks of the way the younger draped himself around Younghyun, giggling stupidly and looking amused and entranced by everything the older was saying. Hyungwon hopes he did _not_ look like that with Hoseok. He doesn't mind though if he comes across like that with Changkyun, everyone should know how incredible and love worthy he is. He always thought it would be embarrassing to be _in love_ but if anything, over the past days, the past hours he has come to the conclusion that it's the opposite.

Minhyuk has gotten better over the past weeks; ever since he started dating Hyunwoo he has been more cheerful, optimistic about the future, perhaps it's just the _honeymoon_ phase, but even before they started dating there was a shift in Minhyuk. Hyungwon isn't sure how to pinpoint it but his friend seems over all better, happier, stronger.

He shakes his head, realizing he is standing in the empty study by himself and that his friends are probably missing him, so he makes his way back to the living room. He spots Hyunwoo and Minhyuk leaning against a wall, the latter looks pissed off, he has his eyes set on somewhere in the crowd. Hyungwon wonders what it might be that makes his friend look like that. He thinks perhaps Kihyun drank too much again and is doing a striptease to some ballad while Jooheon is cheering him on instead of stopping his boyfriend. They almost got arrested the last time that happened. Although this is a private party so Hyungwon doesn't really see the problem if Kihyun decides to show off his toned body, maybe he would pretend he doesn't know him for a couple of weeks due to second hand embarrassment but _—_

" _Shit_ , Hyungwon." Kihyun stumbles in front of him, dragging a swollen lipped Jooheon behind him. "Weren't you supposed to be somewhere else?" he asks, panic clear in his voice.

"What? Oh, you mean with Seulgi? We just exchanged phone number and she will text me about the work some other time. I think I pissed her off," Hyungwon explains, scratching his neck awkwardly as he thinks about his conversation with the girl.

 _"Fuck,"_ Kihyun cries out loudly, getting the attention of some people around them. "What do we do, babe?" He turns to his boyfriend who shrugs helplessly as he stares at something in the crowd, frowning in an annoyed manner.

"What is going on?"

"Nothing at all." Minhyuk appears behind him, swinging an arm around his shoulder and dragging him through the crowd in a weird manner, he is tiptoeing as is if he tries to be taller than Hyungwon and his body is bend in a strange way. "Let's go to the kitchen and—"

Hyungwon sees it then. He understands his friend's annoyance. It's not the emotions he feels though, for him it's mostly pain and some bitter sweet joy. At least someone got their _dream boy._

"Oh, _fuck_ ," Minhyuk moans out as Hyungwon stops in his tracks and watches Changkyun and Younghyun make out on the couch like the clichéd couples in the movies. "Fuck, fuck, _fuck_. Hyunwoo get Wonho. Jooheon can you like _—_ " He moves his hand in the air, the man in question nods his head and walks off. "Kihyun help me get him outside."

"On it."

The next things that happen are a blur and Hyungwon doesn't remember how he gets to Dowoon's garden or how he got the blanket around his shoulder. He hasn't even registered Hoseok getting there as well. Perhaps the alcohol finally kicked in. He blinks a couple of times, trying to dissipate the heaviness in his brain, and he notices how his eyelashes stick together a bit, as if he has been crying.

"—if _someone_ would have the guts to confess then perhaps—"

"That _someone_ didn't even know he was in love until recently, give him a _break_ , he has dealt with—"

"—Changkyun wouldn't have made out with Brian and—"

"—a lot of shitty people playing with his feelings and calling him names, this is the first time I've seen him so—"

"—think about the fact that Changkyun is _—_ Wait, what do you mean?"

"This is the first time Hyungwon has fallen in love, alright? He has never—"

"Oh."

"Yeah, _oh_. You don't know—You have no idea what he has been through," Minhyuk pauses to take a deep breath. "I understand Changkyun's part as well, I do, _believe_ me. But I am Hyungwon's best friend and I know him, I know his feelings and—"

"You all know I'm present, right?" Hyungwon interrupts the discussion, feeling strange about the fact that his friend's were talking about him as if he couldn't hear them.

"Finally back, huh?" Kihyun asks, he sounds guilty.

"What do you mean by that?"

"You were _away_ , I guess, for two hours now."

_"What?"_

"It was creepy," Hoseok supplies and Minhyuk throws him a dirty look to which he rolls his eyes. "Listen, as much as you're Hyungwon's best friend, I am Changkyun's. He was pretty much giving up already."

"Let's not talk about this anymore," Hyunwoo interjects, his tone is sharp and it makes everyone look at him. "There isn't much _we_ can do."

"I agree, let's just go home." Kihyun pulls out his phone and starts typing something. "Changkyun is at Jooheon's and they're playing video games." He laughs, shaking his head unbelievingly.

 

He looks left and right, gun in hand, running through the abandoned building and waiting for the zombies to pop out. More specifically waiting for _zombie_ Jooheon to ambush him, but it's eerily quiet and Changkyun dares a look at Jooheon's screen, seeing his friend at the other side of the map, and lets out a sigh of relief. He still has some time to build his fort.

Playing video games after a party is their _thing,_ they have been doing it for ages, they never get too drunk and once the party is over or too boring, they head home and spent around two to three hours playing some first person shooter game on Jooheon's playstation before finally hitting sleep at around 6am. This time around though, rather than it being their usual tradition it's more of a distraction, for Changkyun at least. The party ended in a mess. He made out with someone he didn't even want to kiss, it was a _mistake,_ and right after initiating it he pulled away and apologized, walking off to find Jooheon who wasn't far, apparently searching for him as they were all heading home. Turns out Hyungwon wasn't feeling well and they were taking care of him.

For some reason when Changkyun wanted to go over to where Hyungwon was, Jooheon stopped him, shaking his head and saying that they were already taking care of him, so they headed towards the closest station. Jooheon spent the whole ride on the train on his phone, apparently texting Kihyun, which wasn't out of the ordinary, but the weird tension in between them was. Changkyun knows something major happened but his friends won't let him in on it. He just hopes Hyungwon is alright.

Jooheon pauses the game as his phone chimes, he opens the message and turns to Changkyun.

"Hyungwon is okay now, he is going over to Minhyuk's."

"Can I at least know what happened?"

Jooheon looks conflicted, bitting his bottom lip, and casts his eyes away. "I'm sorry, that's classified information."

 _"Seriously?"_ Changkyun huffs out, annoyed.

"Sorry," his friend mumbles, guilt written all over his face.

Changkyun rolls his eyes and continues the game. He'll ask Hyungwon later.

They play for a while until Jooheon pauses the game again.

"Why did you kiss Brian?"

"I don't know. It was a mistake. I was just frustrated and he was flirting with me and—" He trails off, scratching his neck. "There is no ulterior motive to the kiss, it was stupid."

"Yeah, _it was_."

"Why are you angry at me?"

"I'm not. It's just—I thought you liked Hyungwon."

"I do but he has the biggest crush on Wonho and you know how... You know my first boyfriend—"

"I know, but it's not Wonho's fault. And I'm pretty sure Hyungwon doesn't have a crush on him anymore, maybe in the beginning, when they met, but—"

"How do you know?" he interrupts his friend, looking at him and again Jooheon looks torn, hiding something.

"I just _know_ , alright? He doesn't have a crush on Wonho."

"Whatever." He unpauses the game, readying himself for the wave of zombies that is approaching in the distance but before they can even get close to him Jooheon pauses the game again. Changkyun lets out an annoyed sigh. _"What?"_

"Please don't do what you did back then."

* * *

 

To say things are awkward is an understatement because _shit_ , it seems as if Minhyuk is angry at him as well as Kihyun. Which doesn't make sense, at all, he hasn't done anything to them and it confuses him that they'd team up on him. Ever since his fight with Jooheon they haven't talked much (perhaps that's why Kihyun is angry). Hyunwoo seems to be taking Minhyuk's side on whatever kind of argument is going on, which is unfair because Changkyun doesn't even _know_ what he has done wrong, plus Hyunwoo is supposed to be one of _his_ best friends. Wonho is the only one that seems to act the same as before, except that he hangs out way more with Hyungwon than before and that hurts _—_ _a lot_.

When it comes to Hyungwon, Changkyun isn't sure how to explain it. He catches the older staring at him more than before, it flusters him and makes him nervous but he has gotten quite good at pretending it doesn't affect him; good at pretending his heart isn't about to burst out of his chest. Another thing that he notices is the way Hyungwon is constantly far away with his thoughts, staring off into the distance, a sad look forming on his face, but when Changkyun asks then he always just says that he is  _fine_.

What does _fine_ even mean? It's an ominous answer that never means anything good because there is definitely _something_ going on. Something must have happened at the party that broke the peace that they were all living under but Changkyun can't pinpoint what it could have been. He has some theories but there's always a plot hole and it's driving him up the walls. He wishes his friends would just flat out tell him instead of acting so shady and strange around him.

He sighs loudly in the empty changing room and takes off his sweater, throwing it into his sports bag _—_ he can't believe he let Wonho convince him to actually buy one, as if he is going to become a gym rat _—_ and pulls out his work out attire. Once he is changed and ready to go he leaves the room, water bottle and towel in hand, and heads towards where he is supposed to meet his friends. He passes by a group of men around his age but ten times buffer who give him a look of disapproval but he does his best at ignoring them. Fuck them and their muscles.

He spots his three friends at their usual spot, Wonho has an arm slung around Hyungwon's shoulder and seems to explain something to him, Minhyuk is next to them, nodding approvingly and adds something that makes Hyungwon turn beet red. Wonho laughs and Hyungwon jabs him in the ribs, the yelp Wonho lets out is heard throughout the whole gym. Minhyuk looks amused and pats him on the shoulder a couple of times. At least whatever happened at the party made the tension that was in between Minhyuk and Wonho dissipat,e and they've become friends over the past weeks.

Changkyun braces himself for whatever he will have to face and walks over to them. Minhyuk sees him first and straightens his back, the smile he wore before slips off and he slings an arm around Hyungwon in a protective way. Wonho smiles brightly and says something that Changkyun doesn't catch because he is still too far away.

"Hey, sorry for being late," he apologizes once he stands in front of them.

"It's fine, we haven't started yet," Wonho dismisses his apology with a quick movement of his hand.

"Your, hm _—_ " Hyungwon stutters out, his ears turning red, and he looks away. "Your arms look nice."

"Thanks?" Changkyun looks at his bare arms and wonders what about them is nice, he hasn't worked out that much and there's barely any muscle there. "Compared to Wonho's they're sticks."

"Some people like sticks," Hyungwon counters and Minhyuk cringes next to him.

"I guess."

 

Perhaps taking flirting advice from Wonho wasn't the best idea because Hyungwon is about to have a mental breakdown.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MWAH


	3. Step 3: Flirt with him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wonho is done with everyone's shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments <3

"They are stressing me out. At this point my hair loss is due to them and not hair dye."

"Wonho, shut up, and stop dyeing your hair, the other day I saw your forehead and it's not a pretty sight," Kihyun says as he reappears from the kitchen, plates in hand and places them on the table where Wonho and Jooheon are sitting at.

" _No_ , it's because the gays stress me."

"I'm pretty sure Changkyun is bisexual," Jooheon interjects, reaching out to grab a piece of chicken.

"So is Hyungwon, but you're missing the _actual_ point." Wonho grabs a piece of chicken as well, dipping it in ketchup. "They are both whipped for each other but now there's this awkward aura and I hate it."

"Stop eating the chicken. And I agree but it's on Changkyun, he fucked up by kissing Brian. Although I _understand_ why he did that." Kihyun brings out a big bowl with fried rice and after placing it on the table he sits down as well.

"Yeah, you went and made out with Hyunwoo  once, to piss off Jooheon." Wonho laughs at the memory; if anyone was worse than Changkyun and Hyungwon it had been Jooheon and Kihyun before they had gotten together.

"Please don't bring back past mistakes. I was confused and scared about my feelings."

"Babe," Jooheon starts and scoots over to his boyfriend.

"No,  _please_ , not in front of my food." Wonho pulls a face as he watches Jooheon pecking Kihyun on his lips. "As cute as this is, I'm currently sensitive because now that Hyungwon and I have become friends I have to deal with his pining as well and dare I say it, it's worse than Changkyun's."

"Who would have thought." Kihyun laughs.

"We have to do something or I'll flip."

"Come on, Hoseok, we all know you're low key living for this whole drama."

"I was but there were actual tears falling _very_ recently and I hate that."

Wonho thinks back to a couple of days ago when he and Hyungwon went to get food together, they talked some, mainly to get to know each other more as they didn't have a chance to do so, given the circumstances. They laughed about Hyungwon having a small crush on Wonho in the beginning, although to Wonho it left a sour taste in his mouth as he thought back to his high school days; when he had gone through a similar situation that had ended horribly but he didn't explain it to Hyungwon as that would have been unfair to Changkyun, who is still recovering from his failed relationship. After two hours of chattering Hyungwon started to talk about Changkyun and how much he actually _is in love_ already; how his heart feels and that he would give up everything. That, of course, led to talk about the events that had unfolded at the party, and then Wonho very awkwardly comforted a crying Hyungwon.

It was horrible and Wonho hates when his friends are crying, specially if it can be avoided but he knows it's not his place to just spill out Changkyun's heart. But he did reassure Hyungwon that the younger man was in no way in love with Brian, he explained that it simply happened because they were both a bit drunk _—_ he hates blaming it on the alcohol because it's a cheap excuse that doesn't justify shit but it was the first thing that crossed his mind that would perhaps calm Hyungwon down and wouldn't break his trust with Changkyun.

As much as he would love to spill the actual story, the real feelings, he knows it would completely ruin his friendship with Changkyun, and he doesn't want that either. He can't afford losing his best friend not when he once was so close already.

"Hoseok?" Jooheon calls out his name, reaching out to shake his arm.

"What?"

"I was asking if you know anything about Changkyun. We haven't really talked much these days." Jooheon worries his bottom lip, he looks guilty but there's a lingering anger in his voice.

"He is fine. Confused why everyone ignores him which, granted, to him it doesn't make sense. He doesn't know that _Hyungwon likes him_ , he is still in the believe that I'm the one his crush is crushing on."

Jooheon lets out an annoyed sigh, running a hand through his hair.

"Perhaps that's where we should start?" Kihyun suggests and upon receiving two questioning glances he elaborates. "If Changkyun thinks Hyungwon has a crush on you then we should make sure he knows that that isn't the case."

"How?"

"Hyungwon should tell him. Or you could."

"I won't mingle in this. Jooheon, you know how badly it went the first time. I don't want to end up fucking everything up again," Wonho explains, shaking his head subtly, picking at his food with his chopsticks. As good as it looks his appetite is gone, but he forces down a piece of chicken anyway. He knows how hard Kihyun worked on it. After chewing on it and swallowing it he chugs down a whole glass of water to get rid of the dryness in his mouth. "As for Hyungwon," he continues, even though he just wants to go home and ignore this matter, the more he talks about it the more it bothers and hurts him, "I don't know him or his past enough to know _why_ he hasn't told Changkyun yet."

"Yeah he—Hyungwon hasn't had the best experiences either," Kihyun admits.

"This is a fucking mess, I hate it." Jooheon leans back in his chair and stares at his untouched food.

Silence settles of the trio as they are deep in thought, thinking about how they could help their friends without breaking anything more than it already is.

* * *

 

When Hyungwon is at Kihyun's apartment (now officially Jooheon's apartment as well) he realizes this plan isn't all that well thought out.

He knows Wonho and Minhyuk have his back, just as Kihyun does. And generally everyone else but it doesn't lessen the nerves that arise in him. He hopes they're right and he won't embarrass himself any further than he already has. Flirting isn't is strength. Never has been and probably never will be but he has gotten some tips from Wonho and Minhyuk _—_ which he only nodded to, pretending he will use them, but who is he kidding? They're far too daring and direct for his taste _—_ and he asked Kihyun some time later, who _actually_ did end up being helpful and Hyungwon hopes it will go well.

He rings at the door bell that reads  _Yoo/Lee_ , smiling at the names. He can't believe his friends finally got their shit together and are finally living together, after all these years of first pining after each other, then hesitantly starting a relationships, to finally realizing that they're meant for each other, and wanting to further commit in their relationship.

(It's been a long way coming. Longer than the four years Hyungwon has known them.)

Minhyuk and Hyunwoo's relationship seems to head down the same road, they're still in the honeymoon phase but Hyungwon and Minhyuk have had lengthy conversations about what Minhyuk really wants and hopes for when it comes to Hyunwoo. It doesn't look like a simple and short dating experience, but rather something bigger and deeper. Hyungwon thinks about his own awkward hopes and it scares him. Because what if it just _isn't_ meant to happen, at all. Him and Changkyun. Before he can further dwell about it the buzzer goes off and the main door opens with a click. He walks inside and readies himself to face Changkyun.

 

He could just do it, he could get up and leave the room—the apartment—walk down three doors and be in his own flat, away from all the eyes, away from the awkwardness, away from the strange feelings in his chest, away from Hyungwon... But he sits immobile, forces the corners of his mouth to be upwards so he doesn't raise any suspicion in between his friends; because that would make things even worse, not just having to deal with it but having his friends discreetly asking him if he is doing fine or asking him what is wrong. Because if Changkyun is honest, he isn't entirely sure how to answer those questions, right in that instant there is just _too much_ that is currently bothering him.

For starters it's the way Hyungwon's arm is draped around his shoulder, pulling Changkyun towards him, as if they do this on a regular basis (it's true that their relationship has grown more physical since they first met but not to the stage of _this_ ); then there is the way Wonho and Hyungwon greeted each other when Hyungwon first came, hugging each other tightly, as if there's something more going on; lastly there are these glances Wonho and Hyungwon are sharing throughout the party. It irks Changkyun to no end because he can't exactly decipher what they mean and Hyungwon is stuck by his side, if he didn't know better it almost feels as if it's Changkyun who Hyungwon has a crush on and not Wonho. But that _can't_ be the case. That's impossible, so Changkyun is left to sit stiffly as his heart beats painfully fast in his chest and his lungs close up, slowly.

Hyungwon laughs at something Jooheon said—Changkyun doesn't register what it is as he is too preoccupied with his thoughts—and he covers his mouth as his whole body shakes, then he drops it and it so happens to fall onto Changkyun's knee, where it stays. Hyungwon keeps talking to Jooheon, not seeming to register his movements as he pats Changkyun's knee.

And there it is again, Hyungwon and Wonho sharing a glance, the latter smiling encouragingly and Changkyun's had enough, he stands up abruptly. Too abruptly as his vision goes dark for a split second but when the room comes back to him he notices six pairs of eyes on him, he clears his throat and swallows down the lump that has been forming ever since he got there.

"I—I have to use the bathroom, excuse me," he stutters out and stumbles away from the couch he had been sitting on, he needs a break. From everything.

Maybe he could just leave for his flat after all and lay in his bed, surrounded by darkness so he can think and reflect; so he can detangle this whole emotional mess he finds himself in; so he can let himself feel the pain and confusion, perhaps cry a bit until his heart doesn't feel as heavy—and he could give himself a pep talk while he showers.

But for now closing himself inside the tiny bathroom in Kihyun and Jooheon's apartment will have to do. He stares at his reflection in the mirror.  _I got this_ , he tells himself on repeat until he believes the words (he doesn't, but he pretends he does). After some more minutes of trying to settle the storm in his mind and the unnerving feelings arising in his chest, he reaches out his hand to turn the knob for the cold water and he leans down to splash some water in his face to refresh himself, it always appears to work in the movies.

But once he steps out of the bathroom and makes his way back to the living room where his friends are gathered, talking animatedly with each other, Changkyun just feels incredibly tired and detached and he hates that he does. It reminds him of his failed relationship all those years ago, when he built a wall to protect his heart—when he put a distance in between himself and the people around him. It feels so oddly familiar as he stands in the corridor, witnessing everything but not actively choosing to be a part of it. He wants to, desperately, be able to push back all the negative feelings that come back but that's the thing with bad experiences, even if they're gone, they visit once in a while, specially in Changkyun's current situation; where it just feels like a _déjà vu_ , he is reliving one of the worst moments in his life, all over again. Except this time it hurts even more because the way he feels about Hyungwon is so much stronger than what he felt for his ex.

* * *

 

Two months later they finally hold the movie marathon they wanted to initially have and Changkyun is nervous. Really _fucking_ nervous.

Hyungwon has been acting weird, if Changkyun doesn't know better he'd say Hyungwon is _flirting_ with him, but that, of course, is completely impossible because Hyungwon likes Wonho and they've gotten close over the past weeks, to the point they hang out alone, the two of them without the rest of the group. It bothers Changkyun because he thought maybe Wonho would remember the whole drama in high school, but it seems as if he doesn't even feel bad about hanging out with Hyungwon.

Jooheon doesn't see a problem with it either which annoys Changkyun but he isn't going to bring it up as they have made up again and he isn't set on throwing away his friendship with Jooheon again over a guy—of all things. But he is bothered and hurt. Everyone seems to be alright with what is going on, and Changkyun feels insecure and scared—so he does nothing. He doesn't voice his fears and annoyance, he keeps quiet and lets it play out, however this road will end.

He is trying hard not to let it affect his friendships. He is trying not to let it ruin whatever he has achieved with Hyungwon, but as walks up the stairs of Hyungwon's dorm he can't help but feel dread settle in his bones and he swallows down the lump in his throat that has been forming ever since he took the bus to get to the university's dorm. A lump that has been there ever since that strange shift the night of the party. Something broke that night; something he doesn't quite understand, that he can't seem to put his finger on. He can't figure out _what_ exactly changed but something did. He notices in the way that he sometimes catches Jooheon, Kihyun, and Minhyuk talking quietly about something until he appears in the room and they quieten up; or in the way Hyungwon and Wonho share private conversations through glances; or in the way Hyungwon is a lot more flustered these days, unfocused and staring blankly into space often.

Changkyun so desperately wants to know what he thinks about.

But he is told nothing. No one will let him in and he _hates_ it. He feels as if he is being neglected by his friends, which is stupid and untrue as they all hang out regularly, the seven of them, but he _knows_ there is a big piece that they hide from him; a picture they have drawn without his knowledge and that they expect him to get.

He runs a hand through his hair, pulling at it to relieve some of the stress that has been building up inside, and knocks on the door in front of him. A couple of seconds later Hyungwon opens it, looking cozy in his sweatpants and hoodie. He smiles brightly at Changkyun, his cheeks tinged the slightest pink, and Changkyun is so in love, he doesn't even know where to begin. He stands for a split second, just staring at the boy in front of him, but then he remembers that it's a bit creepy and not appropriate so he shakes his head, smiles back, and walks inside the apartment.

Hyungwon's flatmate is not around, most likely with his girlfriend—the lucky bastard—but there are traces of him all around the living room: be it his shoes shoved into a corner, his jacket hanging from the coat hanger, his laptop on the wooden table with an empty mug of what Changkyun guesses was coffee next to it, and the smell of a perfume that Hyungwon doesn't wear lingering in the air. Changkyun wonders if the flatmate knows how lucky he is to be living with Hyungwon, to see him first things in the morning or right before he goes to bed, to see all these sides to Hyungwon that Changkyun hasn't had the pleasure to discover yet.

"I made popcorn and we can order pizza later," Hyungwon says, breaking the silence and bringing Changkyun back to reality.

He nods twice, still distracted by some lingering thoughts. "Sounds good."

Hyungwon walks into his room and Changkyun follows. There's a cloud of awkwardness hanging over them, one that has never really been there before, but now it's there and he isn't sure if _he_ brought it, if he made it appear; does Hyungwon feel just as awkward?

 

Hyungwon pays the pizza delivery man and stands by the entrance of his flat, pizza boxes in his arms, burning his arms, but he can't be bothered by it—not when the pain in his chest is numbing his whole body, his whole soul. He can't get Changkyun's expression of hurt and anger out of his head.

(He thought. He hoped.)

But the cold hard fact is that Changkyun does not feel the same. If he does, he wouldn't have left like that. He wouldn't have scrambled out of Hyungwon's bed as soon as the bell had rung, leaving hastily without any word, rubbing his lips as if he wanted to get rid of Hyungwon's taste and feeling on them.

And Hyungwon can't even be mad at his friend. It's his own fault for being so delusional, for thinking there was a chance Changkyun returned his feelings. His friends had said, insisted, that there was hope, but Hyungwon now realizes they probably only tried to cheer him up by giving him false hope.

He stands for God knows how long by the entrance of the door until the ringing of his phone brings him out of his thoughts. He almost drops the pizza cartons but by some miracle he catches them in time and walks into the kitchen to deposit them on the counter, he'll eat them later if he feels hungry because right now his appetite is gone, and if not then his flatmate can eat them, he'll be delighted. Hyungwon makes his way back into his room and grabs his phone, the caller ID reads _Kihyun_ and with a heavy sigh he picks up.

"Hey," he mutters out, trying his best to sound okay and collected, but he feels like shit and not really up to talk to his friend. "What's up?"

" _What's up? What's—_ " Kihyun starts, sounding angry. " _Wait, are_ you _okay? You don't sound like you're okay. What happened?_ "

"Nothing. And I'm fine, don't worry about it. Just tired. I'll go to bed now."

" _Hyungwon, it's seven in the afternoon_."

"So, what? I'm an adult I can go sleep whenever I want."

" _Sure you can but—_ "

"Not right now. _Please_. I'm really not in the mood."

 _"Alright. Sleep well then._ "

"Thanks." He hangs up and lets himself fall face first into his bed.

He puts his phone on his night table, doesn't even bother to change into his pajama; he turns around, face up, and stares at his ceiling. He doesn't notice he is crying until he turns his head and finds that his pillow is wet, he rubs at his eyes only making his vision blurry and lets out a sob, it sounds loud in his quiet and empty room. Slowly the feelings come crashing back to him and everything hurts, from the headache forming to how heavy his limbs feels. Most importantly his heart hurts like it never has before.

He feels heartbroken.

* * *

 

It has been three days since _The Incident—_ as Kihyun likes to put it. Of course Hyungwon spilled everything to Minhyuk the day after it happened, mainly because Hyungwon is bad at hiding his emotions and Minhyuk is way too good at picking up even the slightest of his mood swings. And through Minhyuk Kihyun heard of it, immediately coming over with a dozen of movies, cooked meals for a whole week, snacks and sweets—Kihyun came _prepared_.

And that's where the three of them find themselves, in Hyungwon's room, under a pile of blankets as they stare at the screen of his laptop, watching a horror movie—snacks scattered around them, not bothered about the crumbles and papers, they can clean that later. Minhyuk is holding Hyungwon's hand tightly, while Kihyun has his knees pulled up, his arms wrapped around them, as he buries his face behind them, hiding away whenever the murder appears on screen—swinging his axe around and terrorizing the victims (and the three boys watching).

It's a good distraction for Hyungwon because, for once, he doesn't think about his failed attempt at flirting with and making a move at Changkyun; for once, he doesn't replay their kiss endlessly in his brain wondering where he fucked up and how something that felt _so right_ to him ended up being _so wrong—_ and a decision he now regrets taking.

If only he could turn back time...

If he could turn back time, he would have payed attention to Changkyun way sooner; he wouldn't have wasted his days trailing after Wonho only because he finds him attractive; he would have cherished Changkyun and made sure he knows just how incredible and lovely he is.

But.

But he can't turn back time, he is here now, in this mess. This mess he has created himself and it's over, there is no changing what already happened.

He lets out a sigh, his heart missing a beat or two, and the tears already coming back but he fights them, focusing instead on the man getting killed on the screen. But of course Minhyuk notices and leans forward to press the space bar on Hyungwon's laptop to pause the movie. Kihyun raises his eyes and meets Minhyuk's, they hold a silent conversation before they both turn their attention on Hyungwon.

"If—If it's going to make you like this then—" Minhyuk starts, unsure, his voice soft, "then you should just tell him. I mean, what's the harm? It's better than wondering,  _what if_?"

"But I already know his reply," Hyungwon replies, holding back his tears and trying to breathe regularly.

"But you don't know for sure," Minhyuk tries again.

"He shoved me away and left."

"He thinks you're still hung up on Wonho, though, of course he would push you away," Kihyun says, voice stern but he moves an arm around Hyungwon's back to pull him close to him.

"I think that has been the main problem this whole time," Minhyuk says, rubbing his chin and looking at the darkness, deep in thought. "If you—I think Changkyun should know you don't actually like Wonho."

"And then what? It's not certain he likes me."

"It's not uncertain either," Kihyun supplies, squeezing his shoulder. "Listen Hyungwon, I love you and care a lot about you, but Minhyuk is right. The main problem is that Changkyun believes you like Wonho. This whole time, that has been the only obstacle in the way."

Hyungwon thinks about it but even if he reveals he doesn't actually like Wonho, is there really a point? To him it's already over, case closed. Changkyun doesn't like him.

"But it's done already, there's no—"

"It'll only be done when you decide," Minhyuk interrupts him, turning his head towards him. "Hyungwon, it's not—This doesn't have to be the ending. It's not written yet, you can write it however you want. Maybe it won't be a happy ending but it doesn't have to be _this_ either."

"He's right, you know," Kihyun agrees and again Hyungwon feels as if there's something he is missing, the way they are so sure Changkyun returns his feelings. He wonders if maybe they know something he doesn't, they most likely do, if not they wouldn't try to talk him into talking to Changkyun for one last time. "This doesn't have to be over."

"Then, what do I do?" he asks, sniffling and rubbing at his eyes. At least he hasn't had a full out sobbing session. He feels calmer and breathing comes easier to him.

"Tell him everything," Minhyuk suggests.

"Yeah, tell him how you feel." Kihyun nods his head and then chuckles. "And for the love of God, tell him you _don't actually_ like Wonho."

And Hyungwon considers it, he thinks about all the things he hasn't had a chance to tell Changkyun, that he really wants to tell him now, before his feelings might fade away (or he might force them away). He doesn't want to regret in the future that he held back, wondering what could have happened. Minhyuk is right, he would regret so much not confessing.

He stares at the computer screen where the four teenagers are mid sprint in the abandoned building running away from the murderer, but he doesn't really register it, instead his thoughts are on the words he wants to tell Changkyun. 

* * *

 

These days he does it a lot, hiding away in his room to avoid any interactions with his friends. Changkyun knows it's not the most healthy method but he just can't help it. He is angry and hurt, and seeing anyone tires him out. He knows it's slightly unfair towards his friends and his negative feelings are mostly only towards Hyungwon, but the entire situation just makes him want to be _alone_.

He ignores Wonho's knocks on his door and keeps watching Vine compilations on YouTube titled ' _vines that i can quote from memory (tUrN oN cApTiOnS)'_ or ' _vines that keep me from ending it all'_  because his attention span has turned short, as his thoughts keep running back to the afternoon a couple of weeks ago when Hyungwon just kissed him, out of the blue—no context whatsoever.

It hurts knowing Hyungwon took advantage of his crush on him and that one of his friends ratted him out—he wonders who it was. Or maybe he was incredibly obvious—it wouldn't surprise him—and Hyungwon knew all along that Changkyun has a crush on him.

With a frustrated sigh he closes the tabs he has opened, pushes his laptop off of his lap, and stares at the wall across of him, counting Wonho's knocks on his door. _When will he give up?_

"Changkyun, _please._ " Wonho's voice sounds muffled from behind the door. "At least listen to what he has to say."

Changkyun laughs bitterly. _Yeah, no thanks_ , he thinks to himself as he stares at his phone's screen, it lights up once again with a call from Hyungwon. It's the third one this afternoon. He hopes it's the last one because his curiosity and patience are running thin. He so desperately wants to pick up and talk to Hyungwon because after all his heart longs for him, but then he thinks about the kiss and the longing turns into pain.

"Changkyun, I'm begging you," Wonho says again, his voice urgent. "You're misunderstanding. It's not what you think," he further insists and Changkyun wants to believe him, but he just _can't_. "He is going to leave you voicemails, please listen to them. I'll leave you alone. _He_ will leave you alone. But listen to them." Wonho seems to walk away from the door, going by the fading footsteps.

Changkyun lets out a relieved sigh and stares at his phone. Three missed calls from Hyungwon, and two messages from Minhyuk. _That's odd_ , he frowns and stares at them. ' _Give him a chance'_. Reads the first one. The second one is a simple, ' _please'_. Something about them and the way Wonho so desperately insisted make him wonder if perhaps he really is wrong and there's something he doesn't know.

He fights with himself because he wants to know what Hyungwon has to say but he hates to be this weak. Can't he just ignore him and what he has to say? Can't he just be strong and independent? Why does he have to fall for pretty guys that only use him to get close to Wonho?

He thinks back to his first boyfriend who approached him all friendly smiles and soft touches, only to break his heart ten months later, claiming the only reason he even payed attention to Changkyun was because of his closeness to Wonho. It still hurts him to no end and he is so incredibly scared Hyungwon did the same. After all, who would pay attention to small and skinny Changkyun when Wonho stands next to him with his muscles, perfect skin, bright smile, and beautiful face?

But he thinks about his friends and how they all seem to take Hyungwon's side, or at least they keep him around; they wouldn't betray him like that if Hyungwon really, only befriended him to get together with Wonho. They _wouldn't_. Wonho wouldn't do this to him again. Despite all his insecurities he has to believe in his friends, give them faith, because the alternative... The thought that maybe they all would watch him burn and crash—that can't be it, can it?

Changkyun shakes his head to remove all ugly thoughts that invade his mind and grabs his phone, opens up his missed calls and opens the _Voicemails_. The robotic voice of a woman filters through the speaker pressed to his ear, telling him he has three unheard voice messages and what numbers he has to press to either, listen to them, save them, or delete them.

He intakes a deep sigh and dials the 1 then presses his phone to his ear and listens to what Hyungwon has to say. A shaky breath is let out, followed by the clearing of a throat before finally the voice Changkyun has come to love so much starts talking.

" _Hey. I—I know you don't want to see me right now and I understand but please listen to this, I'm_ begging _you. When I kissed you it wasn't because you're a replacement or—I don't know what you thought. I kissed you because I genuinely am falling for you if I haven't completely fallen already. I did have a crush on Wonho but that was—It was short lived and based purely on physical appearance. When I met you I... It came unexpected but I'm not surprised I fell for you because you are incredibly lovable; you care so much for those around you, even if you might not show it but I did—I_ see _it. You were willing to give me up because you love Wonho. You are incredible, Changkyun. You are. I didn't notice that I was falling for you because I never experienced it before but at some point I realized and I freaked out. I got scared. I got scared because I had no idea what to do and—_ " the message stops after a loud beep.

Changkyun's heart beats loudly in his chest and there are tears in his eyes but he presses the button to listen to the next voice message, his hands shaking.

"— _ah fuck, I didn't realize it cut off. I don't know when exactly it cut off so I will start this sentence over. To me you are—You know when winter slowly comes to an end and although the weather is still cold, there are the first rays of sunshine that graze us. It's a strange feeling to explain but I'll try my best. I used to sit a lot by the sea when I was younger, the cold wind hitting me but the sun would be up in the sky and I would take off my jacket to enjoy a bit of warmth. I remember getting excited for summer, for warmer days. The perspective of having holidays and being done with school and—Words don't make that feeling justice but in other words when you're around I feel that way. You make me excited for the future. You're like_ summer _to me, Changkyun._ "

Again the voice message cuts off and Changkyun doesn't even try to hold back the tears that roll down his face. He doesn't listen to the last one yet, he doesn't think he is ready for it. He can't believe that Hyungwon actually loves him back, that he feels as strongly about him as Changkyun does. It doesn't reach his mind yet, because he is hung up on the past and how wrongly his first love went. He rubs away the tears from his eyes and walks into the living room where Wonho sits on the couch, phone in hand as he texts someone.

Changkyun approaches his best friend hesitantly, feeling nervous all of a sudden. He clears his voice and Wonho looks up at him and puts away his phone, worry is written all over his face.

 _"Kyunnie,"_ he starts, getting up from the couch and walks over to Changkyun, "have you listened to it all?"

"Not yet but I wanted to apologize. I'm sorry for pushing you away, for being mad at you for something that wasn't your fault. It wasn't back then and it _isn't_ now."

"It's fine, I understand."

"But it was wrong and I'm sorry." Changkyun moves forward to hug Wonho, clinging to his best friend, inhaling the familiar smell and for a moment he forgets about everything, just drowning in the feeling of having Wonho in his life and how thankful he is for it.

Wonho hugs him back, just as tightly, and lets out an embarrassed sob. "Sorry," he apologizes with a laugh and moves away, rubbing his nose. "I don't know why I'm crying."

"It's okay, I'm crying too." Changkyun pats his back, his heart feeling lighter than it has for weeks—months. "Let's listen to the last one together."

"Are you sure you want me there?"

"Yes, I'm sure. After all you insisted I listen to them."

"Fine." Wonho nods and leans back on the sofa, pulling his legs towards his body to hug them, he props his chin on his knee and looks expectantly at Changkyun, who has the phone in his hand and with a last sigh he presses play on the last voicemail.

" _I fucking hate this, why doesn't your phone tell me when the recording time is over. I don't know where I left this off, this is the worst love confession of all time. Anyway,_ shit _. I'm sorry for kissing you and making you feel like I was taking advantage of your crush on me; for making you think that you are a replacement. I took Hoseok's dating advice and he said I should kiss you. I have to admit his tips weren't the best, you didn't even realize I was flirting with you this whole time... Fuck, I'm rambling. The point is you make me feel warm, you make me want to be better, to share my happiness with others, to have a more positive perspective towards my life. You make me want to try harder in life and I want to give you everything, and I wouldn't even mind if you can't give me all back. We can take easy steps, we can—I don't know, I've never really done this before but for you I want to try it, even through rough times I want to keep trying. I—I love you, Cha—_ "

"Fuck your phone indeed," Wonho says as Hyungwon's confession is cut short, he has new tears in his eyes and his voice is shaky. "I can't believe he—I didn't know he was _this_ _cheesy_ , holy shit. You have no idea how happy I'm feeling right now."

"I honestly don't know where my thoughts are right now, I'm all over the place," Changkyun admits, fresh tears falling as well.

"I think you should take a few days to let this sink in before you answer to him properly, but please let him know you've listened to it. I can't believe I'm saying this but even worse than you pining, is having Hyungwon pine over you. It was so stressful," Wonho complains but his voice is light and his eyes are soft, full of affection. "You have no idea how happy I am for you."

"I do know, though. The story of my ex, it was hard on me but I know it must've been hard on you, too. I realize that now."

* * *

  

Hyungwon is anxious as he enters the gym. He doesn't really know why he even bothers but maybe Wonho really turned him and Minhyuk into gym rats after all. He notices the slight muscles he has put on and how much it helps when he dances. He can't really complain but everything about the gym makes him think about Changkyun and that stressed him out. Specially because said boy is supposed to be here this day. The four of them are supposed to work out like they always do, as if nothing has changed and that's a bit scary. If not _a lot_.

He slowly undresses himself, not fully aware of it as his thoughts are running around in his mind, stumbling over each other and not reaching a finishing line—new ones forming before the old ones have completely developed themselves. He has so many worries and doubts and questions.

Will Changkyun even be there? He knows Changkyun listened to his voicemails (he got an affirmation in the form of a text, ' _i listened'_ ) but he doesn't know how the younger man feels or what his reaction was. Wonho hasn't given away anything but he seems brighter than before, as if he knows something that no one else does. And it makes Hyungwon feel a bit better about facing Changkyun. Maybe it won't be a complete mess.

He walks out of the changing room and towards where they usually work out. Wonho and Minhyuk are there already but there's no sight of Changkyun, and Hyungwon's worries come crashing back. His mind is a loop of diverse swearing words but he tries to act nonchalant, as if he isn't on the brink of panicking.

"Hey, what's up?" he greets his friend; his voice is shaky but if they noticed they don't comment on it, and he's grateful for that.

"The ceiling," Wonho replies cheekily, grinning at him.

"Oh, my God." Minhyuk shakes his head in disappointment, but he wears a blinding smile as well.

Hyungwon feels as if there's something he is missing, something only they know, and it makes him incredibly nervous. He wrings his hands together and walks over to get one of the weights to start working out. He needs to be doing something to distract his mind from his friend's cheerful behavior and the lack of Changkyun. Something is off and he can't tell _what_ it is and if it is a _good_ kind of off.

"Maybe we should wait until Changkyun gets here before we work out," Wonho says, reaching out his hand to grab Hyungwon's elbow, stopping him from further moving away.

"Oh, sure yeah, um, we can do that. Right," he stutters out, frowning, and stands awkwardly as Minhyuk and Wonho chatter away. He doesn't pay much attention to their conversation.

There are approaching footsteps and when Hyungwon looks up he sees Changkyun coming towards them, he doesn't wear his gym clothes, instead is clad in his signature black jeans, oversized hoodie, and leather jacket. His blond hair is pushed away from his forehead and he looks incredibly handsome. Hyungwon has a hard time breathing or formulating thoughts in his head. His hands are getting clammy and he has a strong urge to hide himself behind either Minhyuk or Wonho.

Changkyun wears a sort of nervous yet bright smile, he looks confident and sure of whatever he is about to do. He gives a nod at the bystanders before he finally stops in front of Hyungwon. Changkyun's eyes roam over him, taking everything in that he can see and Hyungwon feels really exposed, as if he is being read and the younger man knows every single thing there is to know about him. He doesn't look away though, no matter how shaky he feels, he keeps on looking at Changkyun until the world around him fades, and all he can see are those eyes—the person in front of him. All he has to offer he tries to lay out, silently.

After some terrifying seconds Changkyun's smile turns less nervous and more assured, there's love in it; it's soft and holds so much. So much Hyungwon doesn't know but he will. And then Changkyun looks straight back into his eyes and tiptoes until he finally pecks Hyungwon's lips.

It's soft, not any sort of urging pressure, just a promise, thousands of words that could be said but instead chosen to be told in a different way. Hyungwon closes his eyes and stands still, trying to understand that _this_ is happening. Maybe the whole understating part will come later, that he will possibly start dating Changkyun; that he can kiss him whenever he wants; that he can wake up with him in the morning, next to him in bed and laze around until they undoubtedly will have to get up to face the day; that they can hold hands and go on dates and share private smiles; that they can do anything.

But right now all Hyungwon can do is let out an embarrassing relieved giggle that breaks the kiss and the moment they had. Changkyun lets out a laugh as well, just as giggly and overjoyed as Hyungwon feels.

Minhyuk stands in the background with his phone whipped out and pointed at them. Wonho looks at them with glee, his eyes misty. Hyungwon rolls his eyes but it doesn't really have the effect he goes for as he realizes that he is wearing a smile so big it could break his face. His looks down again at Changkyun, his heart overflowing with warmness, beating hard in his chest.

"Do you want to ditch this gym so we can go somewhere else?" he asks, ignoring the dramatic and exaggerated wolf whistles Minhyuk does at that.

"Hell yeah, I only came here to look at you anyway," Changkyun replies and offers his hand at Hyungwon to take it.

And Hyungwon does. 

* * *

  

Minhyuk and Hyunwoo are sitting in Minhyuk's room, tangled up together in his bed while both of them are busy scrolling through their phones, not really that much interaction in between them but they don't need it, just being close right now is more than enough, they understand each other without words, Minhyuk has realized. He is fine with just lying in his bed with his boyfriend without doing much, it's not uncomfortable and he doesn't need any forceful conversation to make it work, with Hyunwoo he can just be.

He never thought he'd find someone that he so instantly clicks with, that makes him feel like he belongs, he found a home in someone else's heart. Of course the insecurities from his past still visit him from time to time but Hyunwoo is there to make them better when they come, reassuring him that he won't leave him, that he isn't annoyed by him, that he doesn't mind Minhyuk's loud and excited talking, that he doesn't mind Minhyuk's closeness with Hyungwon.

All in all Hyunwoo is the perfect boyfriend and Minhyuk is incredibly lucky to have him. He looks away from the screen on his phone and focuses his eyes on Hyunwoo, who looks away from his phone as well, sensing Minhyuk's eyes on him. They stare at each other for a couple of seconds until Hyunwoo leans up to peck Minhyuk on his lips.

"It's almost 4pm, don't we have that triple date plus Wonho in twenty minutes?" Hyunwoo asks then, stretching out on the bed.

" _Shit_ , you're right! This will be Changkyun and Hyungwon's first group date, we can't be late." Minhyuk scrambles up from the bed and looks down at his clothes. "There's no time to change or look good, we have to leave, _now_."

"You're going in your pajama?" Hyunwoo laughs but gets up. "At least put on some jeans."

"Right, yes, I should do that." Minhyuk nods distractedly while he walks over to his closet and rummages through his mountain of clothes, he picks out some baby blue, washed out jeans and squeezes himself into them. "I'm just so excited for Hyungwon, he has never gotten further than the first date with anyone, so the fact that this is not only his third date with Changkyun but that he agreed to a group date..."

"I know, babe, it's cute that you're so excited for him." Hyunwoo gives him his trademark soft smile and Minhyuk melts on the spot.

He sure as _fuck_ regretted going to the gym in the beginning but thinking about how things have turned out, he should probably send them flowers or something. Although he will end his membership soon because after all him and Hyungwon really aren't gym rats, he can leave that for Hyunwoo and Wonho.

He sends out a quick text to Kihyun and Hyungwon telling them they're on their way to the restaurant, apologizing that they will be a bit late. Kihyun replies with a series of eye roll emojis but Minhyuk knows he isn't actually annoyed. After another ten minutes they finally leave the apartment and walk down the street to the train stop, hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly thank you so much for reading this!! I appreciate every comment, kudos, honestly thank you, love you!💛💛
> 
> This was a wild ride and I'm kinda sad to say goodbye to it lmao
> 
> update: sooo the kihyun/jooheon prequel is out now, it's called [heaven.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17391467/chapters/40932833) (writing it went a lot quicker than i thought lmao)  
>    
> 


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